I'm judging you.

I often judge people by the cars they drive. There, I said it. I'm a terrible person, I shouldn't judge a book by its cover, blah, blah, blah.

Well, I'm glad to let people judge me by my car. As far as I know, it has the youngest average buyer of any car sold in America (29 years old). In addition, I can now prove that IS drivers are also extremely intelligent. Suck it, Bill.

Get Firefox or Opera; both are excellent, Internetastic (did I really just say that??), multi-platform web browsers...not to mention the fact that they're feature-rich and standards-compliant.

pr0n @ Carnegie Mellon

Today, a friend from high school pointed out a story (and video clip on the same page) he'd seen about CMU showing porn in the University Center (aka the UC, our student union-type place). The UC has an auditorium that, aside from its usual academic purposes, shows movies several nights a week. On occasion, usually once a semester, the Sunday night movie is "TBA".

During a TBA, the moviegoers start by removing their clothes and making demeaning comments about others' genitalia. The pr0n usually gets everyone so excited that, within minutes, people are going all caveman, beating others unconscious with clubs to more easily take advantage of them. Just in case the massive orgy isn't enough to ensure the onset of an STD plague, we bring bottles of germ-infested spooge to squirt on each other!!!1!oneone!

Seriously, people, what's the big fucking deal? If I won't object when some Michael Moore propaganda film is shown, you should hold your tongue about some people getting naked[1] and laid[2] on a big ol' movie screen[3]. Capiche?
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[1] Nakedness is our natural state. You do realize that, right?
[2] These people are having consensual sex. Nobody is being harmed or taken advantage of.
[3] You know, you could always not go to the movie. Novel way to avoid being offended, I know. Maybe I should file for a patent...

The things I do for charity...

At work, most of us young desk jockeys talk during the day using Lotus's [shitty] IM client, Sametime Connect. For your viewing pleasure, I have recreated a segment of a conversation I had earlier today. To put it in context: my esteemed colleague, Seth, is coming to town this weekend. We were in the middle of discussing plans for [drinking all day] Saturday when he let loose with the following bit of wisdom.

Seth: now benny, we need to have a talk
Seth: if we're going to be drinking all afternoon, all evening, and all night
Seth: you can't be chugging your 1st 4 or 5 beers like it's going out of style, and then demise to sitting on sidewalks early in the evening ;)

Ben: haha somehow i knew that was coming. yeah i guess i'll have to 'take it easy'...or something...
Ben: maybe i'll have to start a rotation of water-water-beer-repeat, at least at bw3

Seth: absolutely not
Seth: we'll go beer, beer, beer, beer, *didn't we have a plan?*, beer, beer
Seth: and i'll join u on the sidewalk[1] :)

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[1] Note that I have never passed out, sitting Indian-style, on a sidewalk in downtown Peoria[2].
[2] Note that this is a lie.

Husker Heaven

I got to watch last week's Husker game (versus K State) from the First National Bank skybox. The stadium was deafening for the Wildcats' last drive, and at several other points, but the experience from the skybox was a little...well...sterile. It was nice living the high life for a game, but I'm still at the point in my life where I'd rather be in the student section.

I love standing. I love being hoarse. I love being packed in like sardines in the Sea of Red. I love beating those wannabes from Manhattan and then being a gracious host after the game. I love the tunnel walk and I love Hail Varsity, because there is no place like Nebraska.

Go Big Red.

fwd:

Today I got one of those 'forwards' in my inbox. This one was a list of chapter titles for a [fake, duh] golf book. It's good for a laugh or two and it resonates nicely with my recent suckage at the game of golf. With that in mind, here is a sampling of teh funney.

Ch 1: How To Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Ch 4: How To Get More Distance Off The Shank
Ch 8: Proper Excuses For Drinking Beer Before 9 am
Ch 11: Why Your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied The 5th
Ch 15: God And The Meaning Of The Birdie-To-Bogey Three Putt
Ch 18: Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 A Beer From The Cart Girl And Tip Her $3.00, But Will Balk At $3.50 At The 19th Hole And Stiff The Bartender

pad the walls

Afternoons are getting shorter and the switch back to standard time doesn't help. Recently, I've been thinking about how I don't like these early sunsets...wait for it...because they make it harder for me to run after work.

You'd think that a lobotomy is something I would remember. :shrug:

Moderation

It seems that 'experts' are always rambling on about how we should do everything in moderation. Since I always trust these appointed messiahs of knowledge, I decided to follow their advice today. After a moderate amount of running, I spent a moderate amount of time with my ass in my recliner while eating a moderate amount of ice cream.* Take /that/, experts.
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*This is Michelle & Alice's fault. During their visit last week, they decided to buy 3.14159 metric buttloads of ice cream and let me keep all the leftovers.

Legal != Moral

I have always been surprised by the number of people brainwashed into believing that legality and morality are one and the same. Here are two quick ways to counteract that myth:

1) There are no moral issues with me watching a DVD movie that I have purchased. None, zero, zilch. Did you know, however, that it is illegal to watch any major studio release on a computer running most non-Windows operating systems? Do you really think that I'm outlaw scum because I've watched Office Space on Ubuntu Linux?

2) So-called 'submarine patents' are legal in the United States, but nobody can rightfully claim that they are an ethical use of the patent system. Patents exist to encourage innovation, but submarine patents do exactly the opposite; they punish companies who innovate and reward 'companies' that are little more than a bunch of lawyers writing and/or buying broad/obvious patents. They wait for the patented techniques to enter widespread use and then sue the pants off everyone that may be in violation.

One last note: Why don't we hold corporations to the same moral standards to which we hold people? Huge companies/cartels buy laws, and then we give their anti-competitive, anti-consumer actions the 'thumbs up' because they aren't violating any of the laws they sponsored (or even wrote). Wrong is wrong, no matter what is written in the United States Code. Microsoft [1, 2], RIAA [3, 4], Samsung [5], and Electronic Arts [6]: are you listening?

some people... :backhand:

I went to the grocery store just to pick up some milk and bananas. A nice, quick, simple errand. When I walked out of the store, I noticed even more loose shopping carts in the parking lot than normal.

As I got to my car, there were two middle-aged women (50 years old or so) loading groceries into the car in front of me. I suddenly got a very bad feeling, and slowed way down to make sure they'd get into their car before I left. Sure enough, Woman #1 (the driver and obvious ringleader of this criminal gang) closed her trunk, pushed the cart aside, got in the car, and closed the door.

Woman #2 was still outside the car, so I politely said "Excuse me." They couldn't hear me over their insipid babbling, so I tried a little louder. "Excuse me, ma'am." Nothing. Argh. "MA'AM." At this point, Woman #2 finally turned around. I pointed to the cart, and asked "Aren't you going to put away your shopping cart?" In shocked disbelief that somebody would actually call her on her evil deed, she just stood there in silence. I repeated myself, but still got no response. Then her master beckoned, and she ducked into the car without so much as a single word or facial expression.

Those of you who know me well also know that I was about to explode by the end of this encounter. I was half shocked and half furious, both meanings of 'I can't believe' that these women would do what I just saw them do, even after being confronted about it. Things like this really make me worry about humanity. :sigh:

Spelchek

I'm frustrated with the way kids are taught vocabulary (specifically written vocabulary, aka 'spelling'). I think the emphasis is all wrong. Students are pushed to learn more and more difficult words just for the sake of learning more difficult words. Instead, the focus should be on enabling better communication, which is the whole dang point of vocabulary in the first place.

Before learning words like 'disapproval' (tricky to spell but rather unique), one should be able to use both 'loose' and 'lose' (easy to spell, but often confused with each other) correctly. The same goes for to/too, there/their/they're, your/you're, brake/break, and many other word combos (which are often homophones) that people have trouble with. Such errors actually hinder communication. On the other hand, spelling the word 'dissaproval' is relatively harmless, since nobody is likely to confuse it with any word but 'disapproval'.

On a more practical note, current technology makes my stand even stronger. Though I don't advocate the use of technology as a crutch, any word processor (even the basic Blogger editor) will catch simple spelling errors ('dissaproval') but all have trouble with valid words being used in the wrong context ('Don't loose that noose, or I'll brake you're car and take it too the chop shop over their.').

Peerflix

Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to Peerflix. It's the peer-to-peer network that the RIAA and MPAA can't touch. Why, you ask? Because it's made 100% legal by the Doctrine of First Sale.

Right now the service only applies to DVDs, but CDs and video games are on the way. Check it out, give it a try, exercise your first-sale rights, f@$% the MPAA, and watch some cheap-ass movies in the process. Win-Win-Win.

[Un]Intelligent Design

Link 1
Link 1 will take you to a funny letter that explores one reason why Intelligent Design (ID) should not be taught in classrooms: any crackpot can come up with a baseless theory. Without the filter of scientific review, our 'science' classes would be full of them - who could say which are the 'least baseless' and therefore most beneficial to students?

Link 2
Link 2 will take you to Slashdot post about butterfly speciation, which of course spawned a whole crapload of comments about the strength of Darwin's theory of natural selection. Below are some of the most insightful/intelligent comments:
Occam's Razor: why evolution is actually the simpler answer.
Imperfect Design: organisms have been optimized for survival, not for design perfection.
The Mathematics of Evolution: a nice look into the probabilistic drive behind evolution.
Disproving the Stereotype: a rational, intelligent Creationist steps up to give his $.02.
Evolution Is Fact: it is Natural Selection that is a theory, not evolution.

Goodbye, old friend.

She wasn't much to look at and she wasn't too exciting, but she will always have a place in my heart. My beloved Intrepid has finally passed away - brutally murdered, in fact.



The tractor (as in tractor-trailer, not farm tractor or track-type tractor) driver was issued three citations (I'm not sure what exactly they were for). The Intrepid driver appears to be okay, but he's going through some pretty heavy diagnostics to make sure.

Rest in peace.

Katrina, part 2

I don't want this to turn into a rant, so I'll try to keep it short and sweet...

To help prevent/reduce future disasters like Katrina, and the costs associated with the aftermath, the government must forfeit its current role as the nation's flood insurer. Today's system socializes the risk^[1] of living in dangerous areas, while privatizing the benefits^[2]. IMHO, anybody should be able to see that is not the correct way to run an insurance program. There is no way to prevent natural disasters, but we should not be giving incentives to put lives and wealth in a position where devastation is relatively likely.

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[1] The government requires that any property which exceeds a certain likelihood for flooding buy federal flood insurance. The rates are set such that, in an average year, insurance premiums equal payouts. In years such as this, where payouts will clearly be far higher than premiums, the flood insurance program is authorized to borrow from the U.S. Treasury. In many areas, homes are rebuilt/repaired with insurance money, flooded again, rebuilt...ad infinitum.

[2] The same flood-prone areas, being close to water, tend to be attractive places to live and work (typical benefits include shipping, fishing, and tourism). By paying below-market rates for flood insurance, residents and enterprises do not see the full cost of existing in flood-prone areas. Large benefits + government-sponsored reduction in insurance cost = excessive development in risky locations.

I hate spammers. A lot.

Sorry folks, but I had to activate captcha for comments. I got my first comment spam today...ugh.

Cold Turkey

Today I decided that I'm going to make my first honest effort to quit. I've been somewhat addicted for a very long time. I've always known that I should stop, but it's just too dang satisfying. I mean, why worry about long-term health effects if it's fun right now?! Right?! Ummm, right? :(

With your help, this will be the start of a whole new Ben: one who doesn't crack his knuckles (or wrists, elbows, neck, back, knees, ankles, toes...) !

What, you were expecting something more exciting?

Katrina, part 1

I offer my condolences to those whose lives have been devastated by Katrina. I wonder when the last time was that a major city was destroyed so thoroughly. I have a feeling the most recent examples are Nagasaki, Hiroshima, Tokyo, Dresden, and London...

In other news, the victims of the Baghdad stampede and their loved ones have my sympathy.

Gringo Haiku

envy or regret,
big eyed fish or dreaming tree?
the answer is yes.

Arrr, where's me patch, matey?

Most computer viruses attack vulnerabilites that have already been patched; they simply prey on the idiots who don't keep their software up to date. The funny thing is that there are also perfectly intelligent people who don't patch their OS and/or browser (the two biggest sources of critical security flaws).

I think the central issue is that, by and large, people don't realize that computers have not yet been dumbed down to the level of 'appliance'. In this respect they are analagous to cars: they can be operated by pretty much any idiot and can handle quite a bit of abuse, but if maintenance is totally neglected they can do some ugly things.

Whether we're talking about replacing brake pads or downloading patches, it is your responsibility to keep up on the maintenance of your equipment. I hate to get all catch-phrasey, but we share the information superhighway just as much as any physical road. Your spam-sending, virus-spreading, zombified computer is just as bad as that smoke-belching, no-taillight rattletrap you curse at as he cuts you off in traffic.

So, everybody, the moral of the story is simple: Keep your software up to date! To that end...

If you use Windows:
First, get Firefox. It's a solid, extensible browser that is also free (as-in-beer and as-in-speech).
Next, visit Windows Update. MS wants you to use their browser to get their OS updates, but you can point Firefox to WindizUpdate and get all the Windows patches you need!

If you use Mac OS or *nix:
Congrats, you are pretty dang secure (through obscurity) already! Stick with a distro/release that is recent enough to be supported with security updates, and you should be good to go.

The future is here!

In movies about the future there are displays and speakers all over the place. It's always the government or MegaHugeCorp saying happy things in a soothing voice while showing smiling faces dancing in sunny fields. "Thanks to the brilliant technology of MegaHugeCorp, today's radiation danger level is only UV8. Please remember to use SPF 1337 or greater, and have a super day!"

Today I realized that my office already has these citizen-placating happy boxes! They spit out yummy profit numbers, the show pics of the winner of a company raffle, or maybe feature a marketing drone going on about our 'success' (so easily definable...) at the latest trade show. Though they can be somewhat informative, these annoying propaganda boxes really only have one redeeming factor: I'm getting prepared for The Future^TM!

Estoy muy loco

It seems I've gone off the deep end. I just got back from taking a walk outside, only it wasn't actually a walk. It was a jog. Note that I was not bribed, blackmailed, threatened, coerced, manipulated, or brainwashed. I was not sleepwalking, drunk, or possessed by the devil. I actually did it on purpose.

It was postulated in high school that my intelligence as a function of time, I(t), was accurately modeled by a simple inverse relationship of the form

I(t) = -A * t

where A > 0 and A [=] IQ Points / Year. It follows from the above equation that my mental decline is inevitable, but I didn't realize that A had such a large value. I fear that I'll soon be able to do little else besides scooting around in a motorized wheelchair, yelling "Bennay!"

The Atkins [Financial] Diet

It looks like the Atkins Diet works just as well on your wallet as on your gut; Atkins Nutritionals has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. It serves those a-holes right for pulling what was surely one of the biggest fad diet scams of all time.

What don't people understand about 'diet and exercise'? Consume less calories, burn more calories --> lose weight. I just gave you the Cliffs Notes to Weight Loss for Dummies. For free. You're welcome.

It saddens me to think that there are people even less motivated and more gluttonous than I am. I'm happy to do nothing all day but sit around and stuff my face, and I _still_ lost 60 lbs in a year...sheesh.

I should have failed kindergarten

Apparently, I never learned how to tie my shoes. I've always used the 'bunny ears' method, and for the most part it's served me well. Sometimes, however, I end up with both loose ends on the _same_ side of the knot. These knots, although deformed, seem to hold just fine (no controlled, scientific study has been undertaken to verify knot quality - you'll just have to take my word for it). Still, I think you can imagine how frustrating it is to be so grossly incompetent...

Making it even worse, I have no idea how this happens. No matter how hard I look at my red-headed, bastard stepchildren of knots, I can't understand how the heck I managed to tie them that way. It's too bad scientists are wasting their time on string theory instead of fixing my shoestrings. Those insensitive clods.

I am so smart, s-m-r-t!

Today I saw a guy riding a motorcycle. That is inherently more risky than driving a car, but not really 'dumb'.

Mr. Motorcycle Rider was not wearing a helmet. That is pretty dumb, but he has the right to risk his own safety as he sees fit.

Mr. MR was carrying a helmet with him, attached to one of his saddlebags, but not wearing it. IMHO*, that crosses the line from 'dumb' to 'what in the [bleep] are you thinking?!' Baffling, it is.

Of course, this whole bit has reminded me of the Darwin Awards. That website is a great way to comfort yourself when you're worried that technology has removed the evolutionary pressures from modern society.
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*IMHO = In My Humble Opinion, for you non-nerds.

Something is backwards here...

I'm actually getting less politically conservative as I get older. I know what you're thinking: "Well, Ben, you were already as old and crotchety as is humanly possible, so you had to go the opposite way eventually."

My economic beliefs are still firmly rooted in [relatively] laissez faire capitalism. That said, nowadays I care a lot more about the well-being of 'society' relative to the well-being of those who succeed in life*.

I'm more socially liberal than either mainstream political party. Janet's tittay? Hot Coffee? Who cares? Neither deserves the attention (in time or money) of the government. They are matters for individual citizens to handle: each person in his own way.

I think that mainstream media is a sham, free trade should be a policy priority, and that the last decent lawyers on this planet are those affiliated with the EFF**.

None of these opinions are strange for a 23 year old. They are, however, pretty odd for a 23 year old who, when younger, had beliefs more in line with a 73 year old. This is a pretty random post, but hey, I have a pretty random mind. My apologies.
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*Before, I would congratulate the Waltons on their accomplishments and carry on with my life. Now, I congratulate them while also choosing to spend my money elsewhere; I don't want to support a company that is slowly [but surely] monopolizing retail sales and employment in Small Town America.
**Seriously, check them out. They're fighting to stop the violations of your rights that you don't hear about on the evening news (and never will, because the companies that own the newsmedia are often the ones at fault! -there's my tinfoil hat comment for the day).

Jesus @ work: kosher or no?

A very strange thing happened to me recently. As I was about to leave my then-current job, a coworker mentioned via email that it was too bad we didn't get to work together more and know each other better. Clearly, that's not the weird part. The weird part was the sentence that followed: "Did not get a chance to ask you if you knew Christ."

I'll admit, it made me a little uncomfortable. Maybe even more than just a little. Honestly, I don't even know what else to write. Help me out, would ya?

Who's the weird one here? Me, for being taken aback at the question, or him, for asking it?

Video Games != Teh Devil

I'm sick and tired of the stigma that older adults and the mainstream media have given to video games.

1) Video games are antisocial.
This is a load of hooey. I've played [at least] a couple hundred hours of Halo and Halo 2. Probably 75% of it has been with other people. Socially-speaking, it's no different than playing cards, shooting hoops, or any other "normal" thing that people do together; it's a way to compete with your friends and shoot the breeze at the same time. It's certainly a step or two above watching a movie, where you sit next to each other in silence* for two hours.

2) Video games + normal kid == Columbine.
This is the result of news companies wanting headlines and parents wanting somebody else to blame. Yes, future murderers are probably more likely than average to enjoy violent video games. That's correlation, not causation. I've also heard that most overweight kids wear large sizes of clothing. Hurry up and ban the XL size, it's making American kids into fatties!! People like Jack Thompson, the leader of a whole new breed of lawyer scum, should be disbarred and forced to live in a place like Somalia (or today's urban Iraq) for a while to learn what real violence is, and how video games are just that - games.
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*If you're not watching in silence, you're pissing me off. Shut up, please. Thanks. :)

Episode III: Revenge of the Slice

The last time I played golf was about three years ago. I headed to the driving range the other day hoping to rekindle the skills I had a decade ago, and in the process pick up a "new" hobby/pastime.

It appears that my brain has begun associating golf with gardening during these last few years. Half my swings removed chunks of dirt and grass that a Caterpillar excavator would be proud of. The other half resulted in a machine gun barrage of Caddyshack-gopher-killing worm burners.

Near the end, I finally whipped out the heavy lumber. (That's my driver, not my wedding tackle, you perv.) I had a few very respectable shots and a few that had a slight fade (read: monster slice). All in all, it was definitely the most enjoyable part of the afternoon.

It appears I'm not going to be any good any time soon. I'm actually pretty amazed that I was ever good. I now have trouble just getting the ball to approximate the look of a real golf shot. I haven't even tried to control aim or distance yet. Looks like I'd better start practicing another aspect of golf: yelling "Fore!"

Confessions 2: Back to Sanity

After the last post, I'm sure a few of you are thinking that it's time to stage an intervention. I understand your concern, and I'm here now to alleviate your fears. I can promise that I will never lose touch with reality and sink into the black hole of computer nerd-dom. I know this, because I will never be able to ignore my one, true, materialistic love: cars. You see, cars have two attributes that no computer does (and that no one human does).

First, they can be irresistably sexy. See Exhibit A: the Aston Martin V8 Vantage. Just look at those curves...those headlights...



Second, they can have enormous, beer-guzzling, burrito-belching, earth-shaking cojones. I present Exhibit B: the Dodge Viper. It is arguably the most brutally purposeful car made today. It's all about function with this monster, but the form ain't too bad either.



Just remember everybody: I'm not obsessed. I'm focused.
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note: You are depriving yourself if you don't look at the full-size versions of those Aston pics. All it takes is one little click!

confessions of a [huge] nerd

I admit it, I'm a nerd. This virtue (yes, I said "virtue") often manifests itself as a(n) (un)healthy interest in computers. I build my own boxen, I use words like "boxen", I'm a member of two online computer hardware forums, and I have a handful of computer industry websites that I read every day.

Below are pictures of the two latest things to catch my fancy: the Antec P180 and AMD Athlon 64 X2. The P180's understated exterior is a thing of simple beauty, and its interior is unmatched (not counting Zalman's insane TNN, or Totally No Noise, cases) in terms of acoustic and thermal performance. The A64 X2 is equally impressive; it is undoubtedly both the most powerful and efficient desktop CPU in existence. As always, click the pictures for larger versions.

P180: A64 X2:

Right now, I know most of you are saying to yourselves, "Gee, I just don't think mankind is capable of creating anything else as stupendously beautiful as that computer case! Teh P180 r0x0rz!!!11!" Stay tuned, and you'll see just how wrong you are. Remember: same Ben time, same Ben channel.

Lake Trip 2005

About a month ago, I made my annual trip to Lake of the Ozarks. I didn't know then that it would be the end of an era, but that's a topic for another time.

The weekend consisted of very little besides going to the store to buy beer, sitting at the pool drinking beer, boating to a restaurant to drink beer, sitting inside drinking beer, and sitting on the porch to smoke cigars and drink beer. Here are a few pics I collected along the way...click on them for larger versions...

To start, a couple nice pics taken from the boat on the way to and from lunch. I especially like the second one, which is now my desktop wallpaper.

These next two shots were taken within a few seconds of each other. The first was with yours truly attempting valiantly to steady the camera himself, the second was with the camera placed on a railing.




Sean, realizing that he lacks the manhood to drink normal-size beers, opted to purchase Coronitas. Here he is comparing his 7 oz. bottle to...ummm...his other shortcomings.



Drew got all excited about something, but for the life of me I can't remember what it was.

Arachnophobia

Remember the wine cellar with the huge, pulsating ballsac of eggs? Well my utility closet looks about like that right now. So that's why there aren't any ants in the apartment...

This might be a slight understatement, but I'm not a fan of spiders. At all. The feeling of walking through a web makes my skin crawl, even when I can't feel an actual spider. Seeing those little spider nutsacks dangling all over my closet kinda freaked me out. But I sucked it up and dealt with it like a man: I closed the door and ignored it. :)

To add insult to injury, the reason I went into the utility closet in the first place is because my gol' durn air conditioner hasn't worked since I turned it on last week for the first time this year. It's freakin' 90-plus degrees outside, it's gonna be another few days before they can install a new compressor, and God knows I'm already the hottest person on the face of the planet. Oh, well. I suppose I'll live through it*.

*Until the spiders ambush me in my heat-weakened state, wrap me up like a gringo burrito, and suck me dry.

The Ballad of Curtis Loew

(1) It seems like one of the "typical" blog things is to post song lyrics.
(2) I'm one of those people who can really be moved by music.
Given that (1)-(2) punch, I thought I'd go ahead and post the words to a great song about great songs: Lynyrd Skynyrd's The Ballad of Curtis Loew. Give it a listen if you ever have the chance.
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Well I used to wake the morning before the rooster crowed
Searching for soda bottles to get myself some dough
Brought 'em down to the corner, down to the country store
Cash 'em in and give my money to a man named Curtis Loew

Old Curt was a black man with white curly hair
When he had a fifth of wine he did not have a care
He used to own an old dobro, used to play it across his knee
I'd give old Curt my money, he'd play all day for me

Play me a song Curtis Loew, Curtis Loew
I got your drinking money, tune up your dobro
People said he was useless, them people are the fools
'Cause Curtis Loew was the finest picker to ever play the blues

He looked to be sixty, and maybe I was ten
Mama used to whip me but I'd go see him again
I'd clap my hands, stomp my feets, try to stay in time
He'd play me a song or two
Then take another drink of wine.

On the day old Curtis died, nobody came to pray
Ol' preacher said some words, and they chunked him in the clay
But he lived a lifetime playin' the black man's blues
And on the day he lost his life, that's all he had to lose

Play me a song Curtis Loew, Hey Curtis Loew
I wish that you was here so everyone would know
People said he was useless, them people all are fools
'Cause Curtis you're the finest picker to ever play the blues
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Iowa: Less Awful Than Before!

It was recently brought to my attention that Iowa is increasing its max speed limit to 70 mph, effective 01 July 2005. It's about damn time. I can only hope that Illinois will follow suit...

I just had to let everyone know how happy I am that Iowa finally dropped its 65-mph ridiculousness. Omaha folks: The next time I'll see you is now 15 minutes closer. :)

May - the season of giving (spending)?

Is there something I don't know about the month of May? I have two personal credit cards, and both of them bumped my credit limit by ~25% in the last couple weeks. I'm not complaining*, but something seems a little fishy.

Are they trying to coax me out of my post-Christmas cheap phase**? Are they that eager to pay for our plastic money infrastructure while I give them exactly $0 for their efforts? Hell, my Citi card pays me. Do they make a significant amount from selling my name to third party "marketing partners"? Enough to take on the extra cost (of a higher credit limit) in order to retain me as a cardholder?

Moral of the story: The credit industry makes no sense to me, but at least this time it makes no sense in my favor.
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*Actually, I might complain a little. I really wish I could transfer the (higher) limit on my old card to my new one, which has cash-back benefits.
**Me? A cheap "phase"? Ha!

Meet Joe Z

I've had my car for almost a year now, so I figured it's time to start modding.

My first improvement is a Joe Z intake. It's the grassroots favorite IS3 mod, and a no-brainer for anybody that wants improved performance while maintaining much of the stock look and sound. Click the pics below for larger versions.



This, by the way, is the reason I needed those tools from Sears.

Broadcast Flag = Teh Suck

On 06 May 2005, we Americans won a significant battle (link) in the fight to reestablish our fair use rights for copyrighted media.

Hollywood (and others) had coerced the FCC into restricting what consumers can do with the digital video signals we receive, via a device called the "broadcast flag" (more information here). Do you want to record a show and then burn it to DVD to play in your car's entertainment system? You won't be able to with the broadcast flag.

Even with this victory, the fight is not over. The MPAA lost the case on the basis that the FCC had overstepped its bounds, not on the fact that the broadcast flag is inherently illegal (see the oft-cited "Betamax case", Sony v. Universal Studios). Their next goal is to get Congress to extend the FCC's jurisdiction.

Visit the Electronic Frontier Foundation's website ("EFF" under Nerd Links) for more information on this and other issues that affect your rights in the 21st century. Make sure we keep this one in the "W" column: support the EFF and/or write your congressmen.

Sears is for the ladies?

I've always felt that Sears is a Man Store. Sears is where you go to buy such masculine devices as lawnmowers, grills, power tools, and car batteries. For that very reason, I recently went to Sears to buy a socket wrench set (click for larger version).





The Sears I chose is attached to a mall, so it has two floors. I walked into the store from the parking lot, which was at the upper level. To my surprise, I was immediately surrounded by tiny, pastel shirts. Little girls' clothes? My shock only grew as I scoped out the rest of the floor: clothes as far as the eye could see, with some jewelry sprinkled in for good measure. Surely, I thought, the real Sears is downstairs.

Wrong. After a quick trip down the escalator my senses were assaulted by more blasphemy, this time in the form of bedding and other Woman Crap. It was only after a solid minute or two of walking around and peeking around corners that I found the Man Store I had come for.

It's true that I was able to escape unscathed (with my new Man Toys, no less), but at what cost? What's next? Ballroom dancing in the Olympics? Justin Timberlake performing at the Super Bowl? ...Aww, f[bleeep]...

Can success be depressing?

After you've finished/accomplished/beaten something you're really proud of, have you then realized that it's a pretty ordinary thing you just conquered? I don't know whether I should (a) feel warm 'n' fuzzy about what I've done or (b) feel like a moron for thinking it was hard enough that I should celebrate its completion.

Is it okay/justified/good to be proud of something that's not unique or rare?

Is success relative or absolute? Is a relative success more motivational or less so than an absolute success?

Vague, yes, but it's a big theme in both my personal and my professional lives right now.

Fun brain teaser flash game

(Link-O-Rama)

Can you help this family across the river?

Pay attention now, here comes the science.

Only the parents and the policeman can operate the raft. Only two people can use the raft at any one time. The policeman has to look after the criminal, who can't be left unattended with the family. The parents tend to get violent with the kids (oh those crazy Taiwanese, they really are the living end), so the mother can't be left in the presence of her sons without the father being there and the father can't be left in the presence of his daughters without the mother being there. You move the family members by clicking on them and you move the raft by clicking the handles on each shore.

After you open the link, click the big blue circle on the right to start the game.

Thanks to Sean for the link and description.

F$@& the **AA

[**AA insanity]
"Please make us legal monopolies. We won't abuse our power, we promise!"

"VCRs/Jukeboxes/Radios/TiVo/RiVo will destroy our business model, and should therefore be illegal!"
[/insanity]

I've really had about enough of the RIAA, MPAA, and other large media interests. This is a weird rant for me to make, but I just can't help it. Before too long, we're only going to get one point of view on any issue, spoon fed to us at the time and manner deemed most profitable by our overlords. This is the exact opposite of what should be happening in the so-called Information Age.

Companies should, obviously, be able to protect their copyrights. However...
The NFL does not have a natural, god-given right to enforce telecast blackouts - it's nothing more than one particular way of doing business given the available technology. Likewise, The RIAA and MPAA do not have the natural right to cripple distributed media with DRM and force consumers to abide by it - it's just one particular way of selling recorded entertainment.

The RIAA/MPAA and their ilk are dinosaurs. If they're smart, they'll adapt like they did after losing the Betamax case in the U.S. Supreme Court. If they maintain their current line of thinking, they'll die a painful death and grassroots/indie creativity will flourish. If they're lucky, they'll defeat innovation and consumer rights, and leave us in a wasteland of $15 Britney Spears CDs that can't be copied to an mp3 player to use at the gym and 5,473 channels of CNN People that we can't record while we're at our kids' soccer games.

Many others have articulated these feelings better than I, but what kind of rant would this be if it was well thought out, clear, and concise?

Random Intarweb Goodies

1) Remember that flash game where you hit the pingu (penguin) with the bat? It turns out there are 8 games in that series (Yeti sports). Awesome. Be warned: clicking that link might make the next couple hours of your life disappear (in the good way).

2) Sam Falcone is a normal, red-blooded, meat-loving fella. If you are a dirty hippie, PETA supporter, or are otherwise opposed to his flesh eating ways, he's willing to accept a small donation in return for not eating meat for a day! Put your money where your mouth is, you silly herbivore.

3) It seems like the whole world has started to hate us since soon after 9/11. Kim du Toit is an example of a foreigner (and naturalized citizen) that understands why the US of A is still the best damn place on Earth. That link points to one of my favorite bits on his site, but he has 19 other essays there (listed along the left side of the page) in addition to a ton of community links and quite a bit of blog-style, general commentary. The essays are definitely the best of the site's content, though. Do yourself a favor and read a few.

Music for the gym...suggestions?

I'm getting a little bored with my current selection. I need new albums that have some cojones...know what I mean? Below are some examples of my current gym favorites.

Linkin Park - "In the End", "Faint"
Saliva - "Click Click Boom"
Eve 6 - "Open Road Song"
Blink 182 - "All the Small Things"
Kottonmouth Kings - "Wickit Klowns"
Eminem - "Till I Collapse", "Crazy in Love"
DMX - "Damien", "Here We Go Again"

So, friends - care to help a fella out?

I'm [finally] an engineer

It's been a long time coming; 9 months, to be exact. I have to do a little math, for once. I deal with price vs. time vs. performance problems every day. I use mass/energy/species balances. Arrhenius is my closest coworker and my greatest adversary.

I'm also as busy as a poor, fat kid at OCB. The 40 hr work week is now just a pleasant memory. We're not talking slave labor here, but the move to a 45-50 hr week is definitely noticeable. The upside is that my days fly by at this new job. The downside is that, if I have any errands to run after work, my evenings feel pretty compressed.

I'd talk about what exactly is keeping me so busy, but a lot of it is pretty sensitive. That's another nice thing about this job: I get to work on unique, cutting-edge widgets and the systems that utilize them.

...that last paragraph seemed like a pretty abrupt way to end the post, so I added this little bit. Much better, huh? :)

Stupid proverbs...

"A watched pot never boils."

Taken literally, this is a ridiculous statement. Maybe that is the reason that I am wholly unable to abide by its figurative wisdom. Not only does my dumb ass sit near the pot whenever possible, but I stare at the pot. Often, I try to trick the pot by looking at it only out of the corner of my eye. Even if the pot doesn't directly notice my (super-sneaky!) gaze, I'm pretty sure the fact that I'm only two feet away counts as "watching" it.

I'm so scared about missing that first vapor bubble that I let everything else pass me by.

Do you want to know the worst part? Sometimes I don't even turn on the stove. It's like I expect the pot of room-temp water to say "Woohoo! Let's boil!" and heat itself up.

PSA: Mars, Venus, etc.

Surprisingly, a great many people today fail to grasp even the most basic tenets of male/female interaction in Western culture. Such ignorance should not be tolerated. For your viewing pleasure, below I have linked to two excellent resources on the subject. Read, learn, enjoy.

Ode to Nice Guys
This is a nice, short piece that details one of the unfortunate consequences of the laws and theories laid out in the more thorough reference below. It only presents one side of the story, but that's okay because it's the _right_ side*.

Ladder Theory
The material on this website is a masterful work of human behaviorism and has been published in many of the top -ology journals**. Start at the beginning, and you'll be amazed as the author progressively unveils the simple dynamic that can determine the fate of a relationship before it even begins. The full documentation for Ladder Theory even includes rebuttals for commonly-proposed weaknesses and failures in the Theory. This is a _must read_. I hear it's even going to be on Oprah's Book List Thingy***.

*Yes, it is.
**No, it doesn't matter which ones. If it's an -ology, it's clearly scientific, important, and true.
***I probably made this up.

Spam. On my phone.

As an avid user of the intarweb, I am familiar with spam. I even get spam at email addresses that I've never used or told anyone about. I don't care about it too much, mostly because email accounts are free and relatively portable. I'm accustomed to it. Almost oblivious to it, even.

My cell phone service is neither free nor easily portable, and today I got my first text message spam. I have never texted with my phone, or surfed the internet, or used any other fancy schmancy non-phone-call service. Still, the bastards found me. At least they were nice enough to offer me a cheap vacation to Jamaica: only $200 per person!!!1!1!!oneone!!

I Love Clocky

As a Carnegie Tech alum, it has always been my practice to mock and otherwise dislike MIT students. Part of it is their attitude; "My cult/university is superior to the cesspool from which you spawned." Part of it is jealousy that they are the "name" engineering school, while others (like, perhaps, CMU) are equally deserving of recognition, and perhaps more so.

Clocky has forced me to put that instinct on hold for a bit. Click the link above, if you haven't already, and revel in Clocky's beauty. It is simple, inexpensive, and tremendously useful.

The only problem I can see is battery life. Motoring around takes energy, and batteries are no fun. Still, forking over for some rechargeable AAs is a small price to pay for the promise of a 100% wake-my-ass-up-on-time rate. Congratulations, Ms. Nanda, you have one helluva concept. Now, license/build the dang thing and get it in stores ASAP!

Carl Sagan on human nature

The other day I decided that I need to start reading (books) again. To that end, I pulled Pale Blue Dot off my bookshelf and put in next to my recliner. I haven't read too far yet; so far much of the discussion has concerned the social history of scientific curiosity and, more recently, space exploration. Today I came across the following passage:

"The significance of our lives and our fragile planet is determined only by our own wisdom and courage. We are the custodians of life's meaning. We long for a Parent to care for us, to forgive us our errors, to save us from our childish mistakes. But knowledge is preferable to ignorance. Better by far to embrace the hard truth than a reassuring fable.

If we crave some cosmic purpose, then let us find ourselves a worthy goal."

Mr. Sagan wrote that passage in the context of humanity's historic desire to find a divine hand intervening in our lives. The Parent he refers to is God, Allah, or any other being(s) that humans hold to be "above" themselves.

I don't think I'm alone when I say that there have been times when I have searched/wished/begged for the existence of a higher power. I'm guilty, I admit it. Good people get hurt, bad people get away, incompetent people get power; we look skyward and ask "Why?"

That "Why" may be futile, or it may not be, but it can certainly be comforting. More comforting, though, is to look at your own actions, ask yourself "Why?" and know the answer. That is where knowledge transcends belief.

Post #1 - here we go...

First ever post. Enjoy. It's a biggie, so feel free to just read the first and last paragraphs.

I cleaned today for the first time in weeks. After I figured out where I had left the darn vacuum (it had been a while, remember?), I decided that I should probably empty it out for the first time since I bought it.

[flashback]
It's June 2004 in Peoria and I need a vacuum cleaner for my new, post-college life. I always felt that normal (read: bagged) vacuums were a PITA, so I bought one of those new-fangled bagless models:

See, I just wanted to be happy like this lady.
[/flashback]

Clean the Filter, Prologue: I popped off the dirt canister, which was about half full, and held it upside down over my trash can...and waited...waved it around a bit...still nothing. I twist/pulled the filter out and tried again. Voila! Well, almost. The contents of the clear plastic thingy dumped out nicely, but the filter itself was still stuffed to the gills with filth. (That's a pun, see, because fluid filters are built a lot like gills, in that they should maximize contact area per...oh right, you're not a nerd. Carry on.)

Clean the Filter, Act 1: The directions on the filter said to "Tap it firmly" against the side of the trash can until no more dirt fell out. No water or brushes allowed. Unfortunately, my trash can was about 90% full. Not one to waste that 10% (that's $0.182709 worth of trash bag!), I tried tapping the filter base against the very top side of the can. A tiny little bit of dirt fell out, and half of it went outside the can. Double whammy.

Clean the Filter, Act 2: The dirt was packed pretty solidly into the grooves, forming a few "dirt worms" (much cooler than "dust bunnies") that would fill the length of each fold in the filter. As you may or may not know, I would not be satisfied until every last worm was gone. The next 15 minutes went by as follows: tap, rotate, tap, rotate, cough, sneeze, pull out worms, repeat.

Clean the Filter, Act 3: I finally got frustrated. I walked outside and beat that !$#*@$! filter against the brick exterior of my apartment until it was suitably clean. I'm such a nice guy - I spared those dirt worms a trip to the landfill. Instead, they got to return to the wild! I hope PETA's happy.

I hadn't cleaned in so long that my vacuum is already half as full as it was before I emptied it. I am left questioning my choice of floor-cleaning technology. The only upgrade path I can see is an expensive one: the Dyson. I guess I'd better forget about buying an HDTV and new sway bars. But seriously, folks... What kind of vacuum do you use? Are you happy with it? Would you like to donate to my Ben-wants-the-vacuum-that's-so-cool-it's-like-a-gadget fund? ;) Leave your comments below.

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