beyond the azeotrope

Cruel and Unusual Punishment (Hollywood style)

2007-03-30T20:00:00.000-05:00

I was perusing Rotten Tomatoes recently in order to read reviews of the new TMNT movie. While I was there, I happened to notice that they are maintaining a list of the 100 worst-reviewed movies in their database. Being kinda bored on a lazy Sunday afternoon, I decided to have a look. I won't admit to how many of those movies I have seen (and even enjoyed!), but one stood out above the rest.

...
It was my senior year of high school. I was on a double-date of sorts, and we were headed to the theater. As you might expect, the males and females had widely differing preferences for which movie we'd be seeing. Often, guys will capitulate in these sort of situations to increase the [optimistically perceived] odds of future 'reimbursement'. The girls' suggestion in this case was so heinous, however, that my buddy and I tried everything we could think of to change their minds. There was no repayment that could justify the pain that we believed we were about to suffer through.

My friend was the lucky one; he lapsed in and out of consciousness for the duration of the film, battered senseless by the relentless barrage of suck. I, on the other hand, was transfixed by the nightmare unfolding in front of me; I was unable to look away for 92 minutes when I wanted nothing more than to spoon out my own eyeballs and pierce my eardrums with rusty barbed-wire.
...

The movie, dear readers, was Down to You, Rotten Tomatoes' 25th worst-reviewed movie. It is rated worse than all but one of Uwe Boll's movies, for Christ's sake, worse than Glitter, worse than fscking Gigli!

There are two takeaways from this post.
1. Do not ever [EVER] see Down to You.
2. Liah still owes me. Big.

Mac vs PC? Who cares?!

2007-03-24T12:00:00.000-05:00

I'll admit that I have enjoyed Apple's recent Get a Mac ad campaign. A lot of it is half-truths and innuendo, but many of the spots do make excellent points.

As a user of Linux- and BSD-based operating systems, however, I couldn't care less about whether Windows Vista or Mac OS X provides a better experience. Both are closed software products that willfully ignore reality; the cost of distribution is as close to zero as is reasonably possible, and it's only going to get cheaper. Free Software is only going to get stronger, and it's going to be a brighter future for everyone*.

Anywho... This morning I happened across some 'Get a Mac' spoofs created by Novell. They're certainly not as professionally-made as those in the Apple campaign, but in terms of content I'd say they're about on-par with The Real McCoy: vague and condescending, but true nonetheless.

The first ad simply points out that there is actually an [attractive!] alternative to Mac or PC. The second ad is less straightforward, but it hints at key strengths of Linux: rapid-as-you-want-them updates and a community built on sharing, openness, and continuous improvement. The third ad, my least favorite, hits on a couple more points; one, that you can run Linux on computers originally sold with either Windows or Mac OS and two, that all those features the Mac and PC are discussing are things that Linux can do.

Ad #1 (Linux is real, and it's spectacular): YouTube, MPG download, or OGG download
Ad #2 (Linux does what /you/ want it to): YouTube, MPG download, or OGG download
Ad #3 (Linux see, Linux do [better]): YouTube, MPG download, or OGG download

_________________________
* With the exception of the stockholders of those software corporations which have made their billions by disrespecting their customers and squeezing them for every penny they have. For a handy list of these wonderful companies, just check out the Business Software Alliance's member list.

Hippies [don't?] suck.

2007-03-17T12:15:00.000-05:00

For most of my life, I've agreed with Eric Cartman on the subject of tree-huggers. In many situations, I think their stereotypical portrayal is accurate enough. Occasionally, though, they're really on to something. To save myself any more typing, I'll just quote the email I sent to my employer today. [snip]

I have recently begun learning about the process known as mountaintop removal mining (aka MTM or MTR). As a $COMPANY_NAME employee, it disturbs me to know that our machinery is being used in such a destructive manner. While our primary responsibility is to run our own business in a manner reflecting external costs to our communities and shared environment, our Sustainability Report (specifically the first section, Making Progess Possible) correctly acknowledges that it is also our duty to push for responsible use of the tools we create.

Is the Sustainable Development group aware of this issue? Is it involved in any lobbying at the state or federal level related to surface mining in general? In the event that MTR has not received much/any visibility, I have provided links to some resources that may be helpful.

Wikipedia
Union of Concerned Scientists
Mountain Justice Summer
Washington Post
US Environmental Protection Agency
West Virginia Gazette
iLoveMountains.org

robots > people

2007-02-09T22:30:00.000-06:00

I can't wait until people aren't allowed anywhere near our products during manufacturing and assembly. Everybody will be better off.

Exhibit 1) People are lazy. This is an undeniable truth. We take shortcuts, we loaf, we do the bare minimum. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. Laziness can be managed. The problem is that we rarely educate people enough that they know where the 'bare minimum' bar is really set. Aim low, miss low.

Exhibit 2) People are independent. Nobody likes to be told what to do. Everybody who's ever been a kid should know this...

You think to yourself: Wow, my room is filthy.
Your mom walks in and says: Your room is filthy! Clean it, or no dessert.
You respond: You're not the boss of me! My room is just fine!!!1one

A similar problem exists in many manufacturing environments...

Office ppl: Please do such-and-such.
Shop ppl: Why?
Office ppl: We don't have time to explain, just do it. We know best.

Most times, the 'office ppl' really do know best. By refusing to acknowledge and consider the opinions and knowledge of 'shop ppl', however, they lose a tremendous amount of buy-in. Some companies, like Toyota, are legendary for breaking down these barriers. If only such a culture was more common...

Exhibit 3) People just. don't. care. If you finish building your Lego castle and you have 3 pieces left over, you throw them back in the box and pretend they are 'extras'. Riiight. Twenty minutes later, the main castle wall comes crashing down and buries your valiant defenders. Invaders 1, product quality 0.

Robots do not have any of these complications. Given a sufficiently clever software engineer and programmer, the robot will do exactly what you want. Which gets us to the crux of the matter... We go on and on about quality and customer satisfaction and market share and prestige and blah-de-blah-blah-blah, but all engineers really want is control. Trying to control people is nothing more than a sophisticated game of whack-a-mole. Those f$@king moles.

Wedding Banned

2007-01-29T19:35:00.001-06:00

If Wedding Banned comes to your town, see them. Don't make excuses, don't forget, just go. They're a mock wedding band , but that's just a gimmick.

They mostly cover superhits, so you know all the words (or at least enough to pretend you do), and they add attitude to every one of them. They remind of Tenacious D in that way; they can sing about ridiculous things but make it rock harder than any 'normal' band could while singing about a lost girlfriend or drugs or whatever.

Unfortunately, they don't travel too far, so you all have to come to IL to see them. Trust me, it's worth the trip. See you soon! :)

traitor!

2006-12-23T18:21:00.000-06:00

As you may or may not know, I'm quite susceptible to road rage. Like most people, I think that I have the perfect 'rules of the road' and that people should have their licenses revoked for not following them. One of the basic rules is Ye Shalt Waiteth In Line With The Rest Of Us. A common situation is when Car 2 (left lane) decides to pass Car 1 (right lane) at a relative speed of 0.1337 mph. Of course, this causes a huge line to form behind Car 2, since there are many cars that would like to travel faster than 65.1337 mph.

Inevitably, some jackass will ignore[1] that line of cars and zoom up behind Car 1 in the right lane. He'll then wait there, eyes to the left, waiting for a gap big enough to let him in[2]. I don't have a description to equal that of dircha's, so I'll simply repeat his words on the subject.

In traffic, leaving more than a single car length between you and the guy in front of you gets you cut off. It's an invitation for some asshat in the next lane over to cut in. You know the type.

I tell ya... roof-mounted laser gun turrets. "We've got a Jetta at 3 o'clock! Get in there and keep him occupied until I can engage the damned lightdrive!"

That and enemy sympathizers - traitors. You rode that bumper like an animal in heat and kept the Jetta out of your lane. But what's this? The Jetta pulls ahead and that weak-willed pansy Corolla two cars ahead lets him in, after all your work! "Dammit man, we're trying to hold a line here. Get on that fucking bumper and ride it for all you're worth you fucking pussy!"

Where did these people learn to drive? Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood?

_________________________
[1] Or fail to notice... But you know what they say about malice and ignorance.
[2] If he has a 15 foot long car, that means the gap must be at least 15.5 feet. Not only do these pricks cut in line, they completely ignore the concept of 'safe following distance' and thereby increase the risk of a nasty pileup if anything goes wrong.

no hat, no coat, no problem

2006-12-17T21:15:00.000-06:00

Winter has finally arrived. There is snow on the ground, the wind chill is hovering around zero degrees Fahrenheit, and I have the pleasure of doing both my morning and afternoon commutes with my headlights on. Those joys, I get to share with everybody around me.

Nobody else, though, spends the first part of every winter enduring daily questions about where the hell his coat is. As soon as the mercury drops below freezing, everybody on earth becomes my mom.

Q: "Where is your coat?" (This is the simplest and most common.)
A: "In my car."

Q: "You're gonna get sick!" (This is often phrased in a manner eerily similar to the BB gun admonition in A Christmas Story.)
A: "Maybe."

Q: "Aren't you freezing?"
A: Varies, depending how cold it really is. Sometimes, it's perfectly nice outside (e.g. 40 degF and sunny) and I respond as such. Sometimes, though, I'm chilled to the bone and I admit it.

Occasionally, somebody wants more than a one-line response. I'll tell you what I tell them: It's just not worth the trouble of bundling up to walk 100 feet from a parking lot to the warmth of my destination! Plus, once you get to the warm place, you're then /too/ warm because you're dressed for something 50 degrees cooler. I think it makes a lot of sense. Don't you? :plugs ears: ;)

In other news... The song of the day is "The House Jack Built" by Metallica. Yes, it's from before they sucked. Download it!

pure snowage

2006-12-09T14:30:00.000-06:00

1) Blizzard in IL
It started coming down as sleet/ice/nasty on Thursday evening. It was so loud (think of God throwing giant slushballs at the side of your house) that it kept waking me up until about 03:00, at which point it finally turned to snow and stayed that way.

When I woke up Friday morning, things looked about like this:

Basically, all you could see was white. Of course, that didn't stop some idiots from trying to get out. The snow pwned all who challenged it. Here are a few of the dozen or so cars & trucks that tried, and failed, to get out of the neighborhood.

Not wanting to become one of those plow-blocking asshats (with my little RWD hatch wearing new rubber, untested in the white stuff), I stayed inside and watched the hours pass with no plow in sight. As 13:00 came and went, I resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be leaving town (to get to the Werner holiday party in Omaha) any time Friday. The plow finally came to my street around 22:30, but it was dark and I couldn't really see how much of a difference it made.

I woke up at 06:00 Saturday, eager to get on the road to KC (Big XII championship game!). I took a shower, got dressed, ate breakfast, and loaded my car. The sun had finally come up, so I opened my shades to get a view of the streets. Fsck! While the plow had successfully removed the top 8-10" of snow, there was still a solid 3-4" layer of compacted ice and snow on all the roads. The rest of the day (including our self-destruction at Arrowhead) passed by in a long, depressed, blur.

Three days after the storm, the streets remained in such horrible shape that my Monday commute took twice as long as normal. Even the main arteries, including 55 mph highways, didn't get to be pavement-only until Thursday! Some places got it even worse than Peoria (especially further north and west in IL), but it still hammered us and ruined my weekend. If only I could kill some more pirates to really get global warming moving along...

2) Blizzard in MO
The same storm hit parts of Missouri just as badly. See, for example the devastation at Lake of the Ozarks.

3) Blizzard of awesome not-in-RL
I just noticed today that the final episode of the first season of Pure Pwnage is out! w00t!

worst football day of the year

2006-12-02T09:00:00.000-06:00

I was supposed to be at Arrowhead today, watching my Huskers take on the Oklahoma Sooners for the Big XII Championship and a trip to Arizona in January. Instead, I'm sitting on my couch in Peoria.

Why, you ask? This is why... also this, this, and this.

I spent 90 minutes yesterday morning clearing a path in my driveway (best workout I've had in months) in 20+ mph winds and continued snowfall, only to see my neighborhood streets remain unplowed for the next 12 hours.

I'm too frustrated to type anything more. Gah. There Is No Place Like Nebraska, but right now I wish I was in KCMO.

real life is scary

2006-11-27T20:30:00.000-06:00

I've been acting like a geezer for the better part of a decade. In the last couple years, I've even been living in the 'real world', just like an old person. I got a full-time job, moved to a strange town, bought a car, etc.

One of the scariest things about getting older, although not directly affecting me, is people my age getting married. I consider marriage to be a much larger ball and chain (to borrow a nice cliche) than a job or mortgage. I don't know if that is because it's people instead of money, but nothing says 'all grown up' to me more than getting hitched.

Well, now I must confront real life [in the third person, at least] in an even more serious way. I have a friend who is getting divorced! It's so crazy, I don't even know what to say... I mean... Divorce!

Can I be a kid again, please?

Trick!

2006-10-31T18:30:00.000-06:00

Can I skip being a dad and go straight to being a grandpa? You get all the fun of hanging with little kids, without any of the trouble of raising and caring for them!

I say this because I've been seeing a lot of little kids tonight, which reminds me of how cute they can be. My favorite so far tonight was when a group of five or six all did the "Trick or Treeaat!" thing when I opened the door, at which point I said "Trick!" and closed the door momentarily. Of course, I quickly opened the door again and gave them artery-clogging chunks of caramel and chocolate. It warmed my heart to hear them giggle about how I really did trick them as they walked to the next house.

Well, I better end this post before the next group of kids comes. Happy Halloween.

P.S. Oops, they're here already!

Die, Big 10 [11]!

2006-10-26T19:00:00.000-05:00

Once again, I'm just outside the coverage area for a Nebraska game. If Minnesota doesn't upset Ohio State (the game I get to see instead of Huskers/Cowboys), I'm going to be even more angry.

I had to hack to hear my Huskers.

2006-10-14T19:30:00.000-05:00

Today's Nebraska football game (against those purple pantywaists from K-State) is televised, but only via Fox Sports pay-per-view. My local cable operator hasn't picked up the option to broadcast the game, so I'm SOL as far as TV goes.

I'm used to this situation, though, having moved out of Big 8 country several years ago. Luckily, I've always been able to catch the games via streaming radio over the Internet. As the broadcast rights have changed hands over the years, the ease-of-listening factor has varied. During this last offseason, however, it suddenly got much worse. I now use only Free (-as-in-speech) operating systems, and it's a major PITA when content providers insist on using proprietary and/or patent-encumbered file formats and codecs.

Intelligent people provide their audio broadcasts as simple mp3 feeds that can be read and enjoyed by almost everyone (even though it's illegal for me to do so in the US!). Asshats like Huskers.com, however, use kludges that take an already-proprietary stream and then abstract it behind multiple layers of useless garbage. The following is an account of what I had to do just so I could listen to the Husker game today.

1. Click the 'listen' link at Huskers.com. This opened a pop-up (strike 1), which informed me that I needed a new browser plugin (strike 2) to view the content on that page. Why the f--k does an audio file want to play in a webpage? Wouldn't it be better in, say, an /audio player/? Anywho...

2. Since (a) I don't want to pollute my computer with that crap and (b) such plugins almost never work well on Linux OSes, I decided to take a peek at the page's source code to try to find a direct link to the broadcast.

3. Success! I found the URL (define) for the page's audio feed. I pasted that address into my browser and told it to open the file using a media player application (Totem, specifically).

4. Failure! Totem told me that it couldn't open the file. That struck me as odd, since I should be able to play dang-near any type of audio file with Totem. I tried reopening the link, but this time I was redirected to a text file...

5. The file's title was 'mediaPlayerAudioOnlyUrl.wvx'. They use a specific abstraction layer (unsophisticated as it may be) with no other purpose than to prevent fans from using anything other than Microsoft Windows Media Player (and, furthermore, any operating system other than MS Windows) to listen to Husker games (strike freaking three)!

6. Undeterred, I went looking for an audio feed URL within the file's code. Again, I found a string that seemed like it should get me to the radio broadcast. Again, I popped the address into my browser. This time, it automatically opened the file in Totem...

7. Success! Of course, I don't know if I can accurately call it a 'success' that I had go through all that hackery in order to hear a simple radio broadcast. I'm busy listening to us kick Wildcat butt, though, so I don't mind /too/ much for the moment. :)

GO BIG RED!

Terrorists vs. Washington D.C.

2006-09-24T17:00:00.000-05:00

No, this post's title is not what it seems. Yes, it's about the War on Terror(TM). No, it's not about IEDs or OBL, but rather about the fight between terrorists and the Feds to determine who can violate more of my rights and generally be bigger douchebags.

I had the joy of dealing with the TSA last week, just like every other person unlucky enough to have to board a commercial airliner in the Unites States of America. I know about the 'elevated' threat level and what it means in terms of added scrutiny of carry-on baggage. I also know that the whole thing is bullshit; consequently, I refuse to go down without at least a token resistance.

As my own little personal act of civil disobedience[1], I decided to disregard the new baggage restrictions. In the case of this particular day-trip, that meant I'd be bringing a whopping total of one verboten item with me: toothpaste. I did my best to put it deep within the bowels of my backpack, hoping that I had enough things stacked on top of each other to make the individual silhouette of my toothpaste tube less obvious. Despite that effort, the X-ray machine at PIA saw something[2] that caused the operator to have my bagged pulled aside for inspection. The TSA agent went through my bag, quickly finding my Aquafresh Tool of Terrorism just about where you'd expect it (in my Dopp kit).

I was feeling somewhat dejected after my plot had been foiled. I was down, sure, but I wasn't out! On the return trip, I decided to make a second attempt at defeating our pointless, ineffective, mis-targeted[3] 'security' policy. For numero dos, I used the free toothpaste I got from the hotel as my contraband. This time, I made no attempt to hide it. Lo and behold, I passed right through security (at PIT, this time) while the guy before me was almost cavity searched[4].

I really don't know what to make of this experiment. With a sample size of two, the fact that I got 'caught' only once could be due to any number of factors: differences between airports, X-ray equipment, X-ray operator skill, X-ray operator 'enthusiasm' for following the rules, or even random luck. The only clear result of this little study is that I need to do a bigger study! Leave me a comment if you have ideas for other ways to test the system. One particularly crude idea I've had is to collect a bunch of empty containers (toothpaste, pop, gel deoderant, whatever) and fill my carry-on with them. The best would be opaque containers, since nobody could tell they were empty without individually inspecting each one. Anyway, I'm looking for suggestions, so leave me one.

_________________________
[1] I don't mean to equate my actions with [far, far] more significant acts of civil disobedience that have changed entire nations, but one doesn't have to be MLK Jr. or Gandhi in order to do something worthwhile.
[2] It could have been the toothpaste, or it could have been that my plan worked /too/ well, and they could decipher so little with the X-rays that they figured they had better inspect my bag by hand. That has happened to me several times in the past (pre-9/11, even), and it could easily have been the case this time, as well.
[3] I could go on forever, but I'll stop. I hope you appreciate how diffcult that is. :)
[4] This was one of the guys I was traveling with. I know he didn't have a single banned item in his bag, because it had all been confiscated on the first leg of the trip. The poor guy had actually forgetten about the no-fluids rule, and had to throw away quite a bit of stuff after getting his bag searched at the security checkpoint.

one-trick pony

2006-09-17T12:00:00.000-05:00

I've been in denial about this for a couple of seasons now, but I'm finally able to admit it. The Big XII has become an also-ran in the world of major college football. We are now what we always accused the PAC-10 of being: one team that is nationally competitive, and a bunch of others that are dangerous only to themselves.

Let's take a look at this week's scoreboard, shall we?
1) Kansas lost to Toledo, but K State beat Marshall. Trading wins with the MAC is not the mark of a top-notch, BCS conference.
2) Iowa State lost to Iowa. Losing huge rivalry games is always a let-down.
3) Baylor lost to Wazzu, Oklahoma lost to Oregon, Nebraska lost to Southern Cal, and Colorado lost to Arizona State. That's 0-4 against the 'weak' PAC-10!
4) Our perennial fireworks show of an offense, Texas Tech, was held to a field goal by Texas Christian.
5) We picked up wins against Rice, Florida Atlantic, New Mexico, and Army; if we can't be proud of those victories, what is there to fight for? :rolls eyes:

While Nebraska certainly could have fared worse against a surprisingly [to me] still-top-notch USC team, I agree with Callahan's statement that this wasn't even a moral victory. We lost, plain and simple. We are certainly improving over last year's team, but we're also not ready for the national stage yet. I'll be thrilled if we win our conference, no matter how shitty it might be, because it still means winning the North /and/ beating the South's victor on the field. That is still something that we can be proud of and hold over the heads of all those silly PAC-10 and Big 10 fans. :)

I am sick-o.

2006-09-05T17:00:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not /a/ sicko. Estoy sick-o; you know, Spanish for rejecting-food-from-all-manner-of-orifices-and-being-so-sore-it-even-hurts-to-move-my-eyeballs.

I called my boss at 06:40 to let him know of my condition and the guy answered his phone! It sorta threw me off-guard, since I was expecting his voicemail at that early hour. As part of the opening pleasantries of our conversation, he whipped-out the oft-used 'How are you?' I answered in the same vein that I normally do; 'Not too bad.' Not too bad?? The whole reason I'm calling is to specify just how bad I am!

Rather than using this example as evidence of my distinct lack of phone conversation smoothness, I want to use it as evidence of the inane, worthless things we do just because society has taught us to do them. Not only was it pointless, in this case, but it was actually counter-productive.

Well, I've run out of steam and it's time to rest some more. Adios, all you lucky not-sick people.

Welcome to the family, russiandell!

2006-08-30T20:00:00.000-05:00

There is a new addition to my household. Her name is russiandell, which is pretty self-explanatory when you consider the she's both a gift from my little sis (thanks!!) and a Dell Inspiron 600m.

Poor russiandell, you see, went all gimpy a few months ago. My sister, not being the type of person to fix a computer and definitely being the type of person to want an excuse to buy a new laptop, went out and bought herself a new Apple MacBook Pro.

Me being a helpful brother and all, I diagnosed her problem as a failed hard drive and also discovered, after many hours of thorough research and analysis (or two minutes at http://support.dell.com), that the computer was still under warranty! A couple days later, I had a new hard drive. My awesome sis told me I could keep the computer; after a few weeks of laziness and Broadcom-hating, I installed Ubuntu 6.06 LTS (homepage, Wikipedia page) and haven't looked back.

I could turn this post into a huge gush-fest about Ubuntu and how it pwns windoze, but I'll restrain myself. Instead, I'll just hit 'publish' now and concentrate on enjoying the fact that I'm making this copylefted post on a copylefted browser and operating system, all while sitting on my porch on a beautiful summer evening. :click:

fscking lawyers!

2006-08-19T15:00:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: I understand that there are one or two lawyers out there who are not the spawn of Satan. I really do. That said...

Class-action lawsuits (CALs, from here onward) are among the biggest scams perpetrated on the American public. Recently, I've received letters about two CALs of which I am a member. The first was against Microsoft, regarding the flagrant abuse of their monopoly, and the second was against Sprint, regarding some dodgy billing practices which caused a bunch of people to pay too much in fees.

The payout for both CALs was pretty small, ~$20 or less. Even worse, they were in the form of discounts for products and services offered by the defendant! What kind of bullshit is that?

Let's say I punched 2,000 people in the face, and they turned around and hit me with a CAL. It seems that the 'punishment' I could expect would be an order that I must offer them an UNCLBEN(R)-brand mouthpiece at half-price (which is still enough that I will profit from the sale), but only if they will allow me to punch them again! If they want to go be friends with someone else, who /won't/ punch them in the face, that's too bad; they'll get no compensation for the punch I dealt them.

Of course, CALs continue to thrive because the lawyers get filthy rich. A million people/victims get $10 each in coupons to the offending company, but the five lawyers/piles-of-excrement each get $2,000,000 in cold, hard cash. Fscking lawyers.

T minus...

2006-07-30T13:15:00.000-05:00

34 days, 1 hour, 15 minutes.

Gooo Biiig Reeed. GO BIG RED!

CD Baby rocks!

2006-07-16T14:15:00.000-05:00

No pun intended, of course...

Payola has ruined radio for me. I don't like paying money for digital downloads, so sites like Magnatune aren't at the top of my list. Pandora and Last.fm both offer great services, but don't allow me to filter for RIAA affiliation. CD Baby has none of those drawbacks, and has become my one-stop shop for finding new music. IMHO, it has two meta-features which make it better than competing stores.

Meta-Feature #1: Ease of finding music you'll like.
Feature 1a) Search. There are four different search algorithms (including the two obvious ones, Artist and Album).
Feature 1b) Simple bins for browsing CD Baby's catalog. This isn't very different than most sites have, but it's still useful. Major categories include broad genres (e.g. Blues, Latin, Rock), top sellers (this week or ever), and sale items ($5 or less!). In addition, each genre is broken down into subcategories; there are about thirty of these for Rock, including 60's Rock, Extended Jams, and Rockabilly. Within each genre and sub-genre, CD Baby even lists some Editor's Picks and the top sellers.
Feature 1c) Flavors. The editors have selected albums which are particularly appropriate for a given occasion (e.g. 'To Drink Alone To', 'Long Drives / Road Trips') or mood (e.g. 'Sick of all normal music', 'Smash! Burn! Destroy! Rage!'). This may be the best part of the whole site.
Feature 1d) Song previews. Every album has a selection of its songs available for preview (the first two minutes of the track).
Feature 1e) 'Similar to' lists for each album. CD Baby provides links to other albums by the artist, similar albums by other artists, appropriate genres, and albums by bands from the same geographic location.

Meta-Feature #2: A business model that everyone can love.
2a) Respect for musicians. CD Baby will sell albums by any artist. You don't sell your soul to CD Baby to get distributed. Each artist sets the album price and determines which songs will be available for customers to preview. There is no lower volume limit to be listed at CD Baby; you can sell three CDs a year, and your page will get just as much love as one for a Jack Johnson CD.
2b) Respect for customers. CD Baby does not accept payment for prominent positioning on the website. Because of this, CD Baby will never be like mainstream radio or brick-and-mortar retailers, in which products are promoted (via airtime or shelf space) in proportion to the size of the payola, not in proportion to the quality of the product. The website is built to accommodate W3C standards, so that anybody with a standards-compliant browser can use the full functionality of the site; you are not locked-in to one, particular, proprietary software package (a la iTMS, Rhapsody, Pandora, and most others).
2c) An all-around awesome founder/owner. Derek started CD Baby in his bedroom. He makes it a point to listen to every CD sold through the store; it's too big to keep that up, but CD Baby employees keep up the practice. Derek still maintains the website. Heck, I wrote them an email the other day with a question about the 'help' section of the website. Within 24 hrs (on a Sunday, no less) I got a response from Derek himself. We shot a few emails back and forth throughout the day. That kind of genuine customer service is invaluable.

This is a huge post, but it's hard to express how happy I am with CD Baby. Now, if only more people read this blog so word could get around. :-P Oh, well...

Benito en Mexico

2006-07-09T14:00:00.000-05:00

I went to Cabo over a month ago. It was very, well, Mexican, despite the fact that Cabo is a gringo-ized tourist area. There were people everywhere whose sole apparent purpose was to do random crap for tips. It was like a whole city full of those bums that try to wash your windshield but really just make it dirtier.

Even for someone who hates heat, it was nice to be in a place where you're not always in a mopped/air-conditioned/purified/fluorescent-lit building. Many of the buildings (even the airport) were mostly enclosed, but still open to sunlight and a nice a breeze... very refreshing, indeed. I know that such things are common in many places outside of Mexico, but I've spent so much of my life in the Midwest that it's still novel to me.

Probably the biggest disappointment of the trip was that we couldn't find a Taco Bell anywhere amongst the smorgasbord of American fast food restaurants. I really wanted to see what Taco Bell tastes like when you're /actually/ south of the border. ;)

I would have posted this sooner, but I was waiting for a certain someone (you know who you are!) to send me the pics from her camera. I finally got sick of waiting, so here's a short photo tour of the trip... as always, click the picture for a bigger version.

First, a few pics of the place we stayed. It was a tiny little gated 'compound' with a few buildings, so I felt like a drug lord or something.

I even caught a Cat BHL and MWL roving the neighborhood. :-P

Last but not least, pictures of two of my most favoritest things in the whole wide world: lizards and shuffleboard!

Pleeeaaase be quiet. Pretty please.

2006-06-17T11:15:00.000-05:00

I don't have a kid handy, so I can't verify the supposed awesomeness of this phenomenon, but apparently white noise works like magic to calm a crying baby. A couple of entrepreneurial parents decided to create a neat CD (I especially like the track titles) of white noise, all generated by appliances and other around-the-house sources.

Have any of you tried this approach? Does it really work?

CA doing something right? WTF, mate?!

2006-06-10T23:15:00.000-05:00

The other day, I came across a BusinessWeek article describing the measures that California has taken to curb their appetite for energy in the wake of their recent energy crisis.

Those West Coast hippies might enjoy regulation a little too much, but at least this time they're pushing in the right direction. State building codes now require fluorescent lighting, which is generally more efficient than incandescent lighting, for new construction and remodels. They have a system of rebates to encourage the purchase of high-efficiency appliances where it helps most: HVAC and refrigerators. They are pushing to require white roofs, which will save quite a bit of energy (via reduced cooling costs) in places that are both hot and sunny.

The only thing mentioned in the article that I don't agree with is renewable-energy requirements for electrical utilities. I think that such demands should be pulled by consumers, not pushed out by producers. If using dino fuel has 'external' costs associated with it (securing Arabian oil fields, treating pollution from coal plants, etc.), then quantify that cost and add an appropriate (and strictly limited in scope!) tax.

Overall, though, it seems California is headed in the right direction wrt energy conservation and independence. For once, I wish the rest of the country (and world) would follow its lead.

A moment of silence, please.

2006-06-02T21:30:00.000-05:00

Today marks a sad milestone in my adult life. I broke my first dish. It was a small plate, white with a blue stripe around the outside of the rim. His death was not in vain, though; he sacrificed himself to keep my baked potato from landing on the ground[1]. The viewing is being held in a cardboard box next to my kitchen trashcan. The funeral service will occur whenever I get around to taking out the trash[2].

Not to disrepect the recently-deceased, but do you know what my first thought was upon his death? 'Aw, crap. Now I have seven small plates and eight of everything else. Maybe I should accidentally drop one of all the other stuff.'

_________________________
[1] Not that I wouldn't have eaten the potato anyway, but it makes me feel better to think that Mr. Plate died in a sacrificial act of bravery.
[2] That could be anywhere between 3 and 30 days from now, depending on how lazy I am and whether I throw away any meat or other stuff that will make my apartment smell like armpits smothered in doody.

I'm scared.

2006-04-29T08:15:00.000-05:00

The Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) recently filed a class-action lawsuit against AT&T for passing the traffic on its network backbones and communication databases directly to the National Security Agency (NSA). In short, the NSA was spying on every AT&T internet or telephone customer in the United States, as well as anybody else whose data happened to travel over AT&T's lines en route to its destination. Obviously, this is an flagrant breach of the Fourth Amendment

Yesterday, the Feds filed a 'statement of interest' in the case. It says that the goverment intends to seek dismissal of the case, on the grounds that proceeding will reveal state secrets. The gov't is attempting to remove all accountability to the people, even in a case where the issue is that they're massively violating the Constitutionally-granted rights of those very people!*
_________________________
* If that doesn't make you tremble with anger, I ask that you please leave this country. The UK and Australia are even further along than the USA in the transition to a police state - you should be happy in either place. Save America for those who value their freedom.

nerd politics

2006-04-20T21:15:00.000-05:00

Recently, I've often found myself pondering the sweeping changes in my political interests and views over the last decade. I think that the central issues in that transformation have been a newfound [and absolute] lack of faith in the government and a sudden [very strong] antipathy towards much of 'Corporate America'.

Re government, I spent most of my childhood believing that a strong (not sprawling and socialist, but strong) federal government would keep me safe from danger, both at home (police) and abroad (military). Now, I have finally realized that fascism is just a different kind of nanny state; it's not largely better or worse than socialism. The only difference is the /kind/ of freedoms you give up, not the /number/. I have always railed against seatbelt and helmet laws [for adults], social security [in its current form, at least], and the progressive income tax. To my list of government evils, I've now added several things from the opposite end of the spectrum: censorship, invasion of privacy, and imperialism.

Re the corporate world, my biggest concern is companies that are actively anticompetitive; when the government fails to put an end to cartels and monopolies that abuse their power, everybody suffers. Secondly, and this is in some ways a subset of the first problem, I cannot help but hate companies that believe they still own my property after I've purchased it. 'Intellectual property' is often the culprit; unfortunately, Congress has taken a piss all over the Constitution (specifically, Article One, Section 8) and given away the rights and freedoms of American citizens to their precious, corporate campaign donors.

After all that ranting, the most important part of this post is a question. What do /you/ care about? Seriously, I want to know. C'mon you lurkers, don't be shy. What are the most important issues facing us today?

IT + MSFT: double-whammy

2006-04-12T19:00:00.000-05:00

In my group of about 50-100 engineers, the IT folks set us up with 'My Documents' folders (we use MS Windows 2000) that automatically synchronize our files between a server and our PCs/laptops. A few months ago, the aforementioned server ran out of space. Apparently that had not been anticipated by IT, who nonetheless quickly dumped all our files over to a larger server in another building.

Unfortunately, IT names our file servers partially according to the building in which they reside. Since the servers are in different buildings, the path names to those servers are also different. Our PCs/laptops didn't know the new path name, so nobody could access the master (server) version of their documents! Eventually, between the efforts of IT and the more computer-savvy engineers (e.g. yours truly), everybody got relinked to the correct server.

MS Windows 2000, however, is not smart enough to handle that change. If you edited any documents between the time OldServer died and the time you were first connected to NewServer, your computer had the new version of the document while the server still had the old... and since Windows couldn't find the old server, it had nowhere to sync the new version with. The edited files on your PC are effectively orphaned, and Windows will pester you about it for all eternity, reminding you that you're disconnected from OldServer and urging you to please synchronize your changed documents.

Both IT and I tried everything we could to make MS Windows forget about the old share. We deleted the shared drive, purged the local version of My Documents (which was safe since I had sync'd them to NewServer already), and disabled file synchronization (hoping to erase Windows' memory of the old sync profile). No. Such. Luck.

As if that wasn't frustrating enough, a similar snafu happened again recently. My immediate workgroup has a network drive that we use to store project files, share test data within the group, etc. Some three-plus years after my business unit changed names, many things are still called by the old name: signs, websites, posters, and the name of this particular network drive! Well, IT finally decided that it was time to have the drive name reflect the new BU name. They changed the name, and I had to spend all of Monday 'fixing' people's computers when they couldn't access anything on the shared drive.

You may currently be asking yourself, 'What is the point of this freaking blog? I fell asleep twice already and I didn't even really finish it - I just skipped down to the end!' I'm sorry to disappoint you, but there really wasn't much of point to this. I just wanted to complain about how shitty my IT department and Microsoft are. Sorry!

V for Vendetta

2006-04-05T16:15:00.000-05:00

Those crazy Wachowski brothers sure have a knack for writing compelling stories about freedom. The Matrix is, without a doubt, one of my favorite movies of all time. I don't think V for Vendetta is /that/ amazing, but there is one way in which it trumps The Matrix: the relevance of its plot to modern life.

The system of control in the Matrix is transparent to those within its grasp. The people inside have no way of knowing that their free will is nothing but an illusion. In system of control in V, however, is much more tangible in terms of technological and political proximity to the modern world. The oppressors are not futuristic, mechanical overlords. They are regular people who came to power through the regular political process. Their tools, fear-mongering and xenophobia, should be familiar to anyone. Their motive, the consolidation of power in their own hands, is the same motive that drives all governments.

... After all that writing, I've just realized that what I really want to say is much simpler. In summary...
1) V for Vendetta is a sweet action movie. Go see it!
2) V for Vendetta is a frightening portrayal of where our country is headed with legislation like the USA PATRIOT Act. Even scarier is the fact that Britain and Australia may be even worse off than us! Scarier /still/ is that most people are so oblivious that they will probably sit through V for Vendetta without ever realizing how close we are to becoming 'citizens' of a police state.

Kevin Hassett is a shill

2006-03-27T22:30:00.000-06:00

I say he's a shill because I refuse to believe that anyone with such a full resume could be so incredibly stupid as to espouse the views contained in a recent column of his. Surely then, the only logical explanation is that he was bribed, brainwashed, or otherwise coerced into writing this by Apple, Microsoft, et al.[1]

The hubbub is about a bill currently passing through the legislative branch of the French government. Should it become law, companies selling digital music would be required to allow hardware companies to make digital audio players that can play the downloaded music. Right now, you can't play Apple downloads on a Samsung player, Napster downloads on your iPod, etc.[2] The new French law would eliminate such artificial barriers. You see, Apple has to go to /extra effort/ to keep you from playing iTunes Music Store songs on other players. I defy Mr. Hassett to explain how creating artificial barriers can ever move culture, or the economy, forward.

Kevin's makes many claims that are simply too ridiculous to ever do justice in my blog. Most of them make me wonder aloud how any well-educated person could be so incredibly ignorant. Primarily, he seems to center on two [equally false] arguments.

1) This law will encourage copyright infringement (aka 'piracy'), which is a Very Bad Thing(TM).
a) What Apple et al. are likely to do, and the logical result of the law, is to open up their DRM. If Creative could license Apple's FairPlay DRM for its Zen digital audio players, and Apple could license Microsoft's PlaysForSure DRM for its iPod digital audio players, then both parties would have satisfied their obligations under the law. What is the result? All the music still has DRM, so the record labels don't need to worry any more about piracy than they do now!
b) The assumption that copying music for personal use is a Very Bad Thing(TM) has nowhere near unanimous support. The rampant popularity of illegal downloading is proof of that. Many people, including highly respected thinkers like Lawrence Lessig and Richard Stallman, would argue that society benefits more by sharing ideas and culture than by granting artificial monopolies to those who happen to create certain expressions of human thought (like, say, a song).

2) This law is stealing from Apple and America and giving all kinds of free shit to the Frogs, and is terribly anticompetitive.
The law would not steal from anyone. Apple has served consumers very well by creating excellent hardware (the iPod lines) and excellent software (iTunes and the iTunes Music Store), and their bottom line has been rewarded for it. Vendor lock-in, however, serves nobody but Apple shareholders, while hurting everybody. Interoperability, which the French bill would require, will /increase/ competition, not hurt it. Increased competition is a Very Good Thing(TM), contrary to what Kevin argues; it gives producers and consumers /more/ choices and drives constant innovation, rather than allowing companies to build monopolies, lock their customers in to their product lines, and then milk the profits for years afterwards.

Aaand I'm spent.
_________________________
[1] This is not entirely true. He could just be an anarcho-capitalist. In that case, replace 'shill' with 'idiot who believes in neither welfare states nor meritocracies, but instead thinks that people should be primarily rewarded for their relative ability to screw over their fellow human beings.'
[2] Again, this isn't 100% true. It generally only applies to major-label (i.e. RIAA) music. Which is, to say, 99+% of what is downloaded from the stores.

i don't give a... hoot

2006-03-19T20:15:00.000-06:00

In this [we]blog, I usually try to avoid the stereotypical LiveJournal/Xanga crap that defines the public perception of 'blogs'. You know, things like posting song lyrics or pointless emotional drivel that nobody else cares about.

Well, I'm about to lapse again. Right now I'm frustrated, and (with apologies to Watterson) nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around. Without further adieu, I present to you a test/game/thing that is sure to offend any politically correct asshats (redundant, no?) that happen to stumble across it: All Look Same!

more fun with coworkers...

2006-03-14T17:00:00.000-06:00

It was a peaceful Friday afternoon at about 15:00, so me and my cubemates were shooting the breeze in anticipation of getting the heck out of Dodge. The topic turned to kiddie movies, and Pixar in particular. I made a comment about my disapproval of Disney's recent buyout, mentioning that I think Disney is Teh Suck. I dislike Disney mainly because of their desire to extend copyright infinitely (see also here). Generally, they are also socially ultra-conservative, which only hurts them more.

Before my blood could even start boiling, one of my fellow engineers (let's call him H. Phobe) jumped in to support me. Awesome, an ally! Or so I thought ...

"Did you know that Disney has a whole week set aside especially for... homosexuals? It's unbelievable." WTF? No, Mr. Phobe, what's unbelievable is the fact that you're a fucking idiot and a bigot, yet you've somehow managed to get promoted three times since you started with the company. For the next 10 minutes, H.P. kept trying to steer the conversation back to the evilness of backdoor bandits. He even claimed that Disney's animation studios have a huge contingent of gay writers and animators who toil away in their underground caves of moral depravity to sneak effeminate male characters into their movies, and otherwise promote/legitimize their lifestyle/agenda/whatever. OMG teh homos will infect us all!!!!!!11one

Once again, I have found myself marveling at the [boundless?] depths of human ignorance and xenophobia. :sigh:

Be afraid.

2006-03-05T13:30:00.000-06:00

I know most of you aren't as anti-government, libertarian, etc. as me, but that doesn't mean that Uncle Sam isn't trying to restrict your rights, too. Usually, these restrictions fall under one of two categories. I'll explain them from the perspective of The Government.

1) We're going to spy on you, but if you're not doing anything wrong you have nothing to worry about! Therefore, if you vote against this, you are a terrorist/communist/pedophile/evildoer with something to hide.

2) We believe that corporations deserve more rights than you. They not only have less liability and responsibility than normal people, but they get more power to pass laws in their favor! It is only a coincidence that these corporations pay us millions of dollars a year for vacations, homes, vacation homes, and lovely antiques and mistresses to fill up the vacation homes.

If you value your rights, take action!

Blogger sucks!

2006-03-01T20:30:00.000-06:00

What a terrible weblog site; they can't even get their dates right! This post is marked as 01 March, but today is clearly 29 February. The UPS guy wouldn't lie to me about a leap year... would he??

frustrations of a plebeian (2)

2006-02-26T21:30:00.000-06:00

[continue rant]

My last post, via the computer-use-in-meetings anecdote, is an example of how Mr. D is frustrating to somebody (myself) who gets peeved about almost any kind of idiotic computer use. There are also, however, ways in which he projects his incompetence to any and all people in his presence.

When somebody asks Mr. D a clarifying question, he is often unable to understand what the question is really asking. Mr. D ends up trying to dumb down his response every time the question is re-asked, since he feels the other person must be mentally handicapped if they aren't understanding his explanation. Here's a typical example...

Mr D: "Please measure the width of these boxes."
Person 2: "Okay. Do you want width from front to back or from right to left?
Mr. D: "Width is the linear distance between two, opposite sides of an object."
Person 3: "Yes, but that distance is different depending on which sides you pick."
Mr. D: "If you take the total volume of a cube, and take the third root of it, you'll get the width."
Persons 2 and 3: [under their breath] "We're going to ignore you and/or scream now. Okay?"

Of course, the incompetence doesn't stop there. Mr D is totally unable to think on his feet or carry on a constructive argument/discussion. Let's say he has prepared for a meeting by charting the defect rate of widgets over time. Now, imagine that somebody in the meeting suggests that it might be more insightful to view the defect rate as a function of production volume. At this point, Mr. D is likely to wig out. He'll get flustered and irritated, completely unable to function usefully. He /could/ spend a minute or two rearranging things to create the charts that were suggested, but because he sucks with computers (as seen in the last post) and is wigging out, he'll attempt to recreate everything from scratch and waste 20 minutes in the process, all while muttering to himself: "Dammit, I should have done it that way from the start. Sorry, everyone, just let me redo this entire spreadsheet." You can never tell who he's yelling at: himself, the person who suggested the change, or both.

[/rant]

frustrations of a plebeian (1)

2006-02-18T16:45:00.000-06:00

I am but a simple, subsistence farmer in the society that is my company. Sure, I'm a landowner and [more or less] have a good deal of freedom, but I am wholly unremarkable with respect to money and power. Mr. D (a pseudonym, of course) is a also a farmer, but a much more powerful one. He does not have his own commercial farming organization, but he runs a co-op that includes several farmers in addition to himself. Consistent with the Peter Principle, he seems to have been promoted [at least] one level past his competence.

To be fair, running the co-op does not take all of Mr. D's time. The portion still spent farming is quite productive; he's not a bad farmer at all. To run the co-op, however, requires different skills: namely, leadership. Such a leader needs to not only inspire confidence in the other co-op members, but also command respect from the outside farmers with whom he competes and/or cooperates. Needless to say, Mr. D does not have those skills.

This whole post started because of Mr. D's ability to all-too-frequently make me shake my head and mutter [under my breath] "Good Lord... get your shit together, buddy." His beginning-of-meeting routine is a good example. Meetings at my company are inevitably shifted 5 minutes late because the people in the conference room before you never leave on time, so neither do you, or the folks after you, and so on. People calling in from their desks are normally on time; so not only are you starting late, but the poor fellas on the conference call have been listening to hold music for 5 minutes before you even enter the room.

At this point, a smart Meeting Leader would dial in to the conference call, bring his laptop out of standby, refresh the Sametime webpage (the software we use for online collaboration), and be up and running within 30 seconds. Mr. D enters the conference call, apologizes for the previous meeting lasting too long, then proceeds to delay the start of /this/ meeting by at least another five minutes. First, he unpacks the A/C adapter and mouse. Apparently, nobody told him that laptops have a battery and pointing device built the fuck in[1]. Once those are organized and plugged in, he turns on his computer: not 'resumes from standby', or even 'resumes from hibernation', but 'turns on' his computer. For the laptops in my group, booting up can waste anywhere from 2 to 5 minutes; resuming from standby takes about 15 seconds. Once powered up and logged in, he has to search for and open the Sametime meeting and any documents germane to the topic at hand. If, during the meeting, he has to find a new file, he often closes all the other open windows. Of course, if he needs any of those now-closed files again, he has to find and reopen them. Maybe all these things aren't frustrating to other Luddites, but they make me want to pull my hair out. Technology exists to make our lives easier, faster, cheaper, and more productive, but Mr. D uses technology to waste my time and make himself look like an idiot.

This has been nothing more than a rant, and I apologize for that... not because I don't think it's a worthy topic, but because I don't think I took enough time in composing it. This guy projects a constant aura of incompetence, and I was hoping to provide a clear picture of the computer-related aspect of that aura.
_________________________
[1] At least he's smart enough to use the wireless network instead of taking the time to set up a wired connection.

extreme naivete

2006-02-09T20:00:00.000-06:00

For your reading pleasure, I will describe a recent conversation between myself and an intern in my workgroup. He and I sit in adjacent, four-person cubes, so this conversation was easily overheard by at least six other people.

Intern: "Ben, you have a girlfriend, right?"
Ben: "Yes."
Intern: "Have you ever made her mad?"

At this point, two things happened simultaneously. First, I just about fell off my chair laughing. Second, everybody within earshot turned around to look at the intern, trying to figure out whether he had really said what they thought they heard. This kid isn't /that/ young (21 yrs old, I believe); how is he still so naive as to ask such a question? He's even in a long-distance relationship, which by definition is a reasonably serious relationship. How is it possible that's he's never effed up before? Guys are hard-wired to do things that, through no fault of our own, piss off our mates. Anyway, the intern continues...

Intern: "Where's a good jewelry store around here?"

Here is where this post switches gears, and I move from questioning the intern's 'lady smarts' to decrying the ridiculous 'standards' to which relationships are held in modern America. What does it say about our society that a useless, pointless, worthless gift is supposed to help 'fix' a fight? The jewelers and florists love it, but it's a hot, steaming, Biff-enveloping load of crap. Even worse, the standard only goes one way; if a girl messes up, the guy doesn't get a Borla cat-back, or a new Xbox game, or a stack of Playboys.

The ideal, however, is not to expect the post-fight gift giving to go both ways. The ideal is to eliminate it. The two people involved should discuss the things that caused the fight and try to come to an agreement on those issues. An apology (or two) is probably a good idea, but gifts are not. As with lawsuits, fights are often a way to vilify your adversary and obtain some kind of payback, to which you feel you are entitled as the 'victim'. In reality, things are almost never so black and white. I'm not saying that blame is always 50:50 in every situation, but there /are/, to be terribly cliche, two sides to every story. Only by taking an objective look at both sides can you truly and justly 'solve' a dispute. Now, please return to your regularly scheduled laughing-at-the-dumb-intern. ;)

soliciting user feedback

2006-01-31T21:30:00.000-06:00

Today I listened to both Peoria's State of the City address and Bush's State of the Union. I guess that got me all political for the evening, so I decided to take OkCupid's political test. It's a pretty good one, with neat ways to view the result. Mine disposition is shown below. Where do you fall?

You are a
Social Liberal
(63% permissive)

and an...
Economic Conservative
(63% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Centrist

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

girls and cars: a dangerous mixture

2006-01-28T18:30:00.000-06:00

Last Saturday, for the first time in year or two, I listened to Car Talk on NPR. One of the callers, a female, was having trouble with her Nissan Sentra. After every oil change, smoke would pour out of the HVAC vents for the next 20-30 minutes of driving.

At first, the speculation was that the mechanics were overfilling the oil, letting some flow over on to the adjacent exhaust manifold, where it would be burned/vaporized and produce the smoke seen by the caller. This had happened with several different garages, though, and it was unlikely that all those different mechanics were making the same mistake.

To make a long story short[er], it was finally discovered* that this woman had been driving around /without an oil fill cap/. Each oil change left her full of engine oil (duh), which would keep sloshing out of the fill tube during acceleration until the oil level was low enough that it couldn't escape. /That/ was the reason it was burning up on her exhaust manifold and sending billows of nasty smoke into the cabin.

I normally hate when people write in all caps, but ... WHY, IN GOD'S NAME, WOULD YOU THINK IT'S OKAY TO DRIVE AROUND WITHOUT AN OIL FILL CAP?! Girls, especially, seem to have a mental/logical disconnect when it comes to automobiles. Everything seemingly works by magic; they're totally clueless about the actual mechanics of operation.

I'm not suggesting that you should have to design a mathematical model of an in-cylinder combustion flame front in order to get a driver's license, but you should understand that basics of how your car works. You should understand how your car gets traction (during acceleration, deceleration, and turning), the purpose of each of the main fluids in your car (engine oil, coolant, transmission fluid, etc.), how varying temperatures affect your car (especially snow & ice), and other such commonsense things. Contrary to popular practice in this country, not every 16-year-old dipshit with a rustbucket, $15, and a lukewarm IQ should be allowed to drive!
_________________________
* Note that by 'discovered', I mean 'discovered on-air'. The lady was fully aware that she had been driving with no oil cap, but apparently didn't think it was important or relevant enough to mention.

time = money (cont'd)

2006-01-24T15:45:00.000-06:00

I should have known that people would try to read into the numbers behind my little example chart ... so, by popular demand, we'll take a second look.

I'm not going to go as far as the AC suggested. What I did, instead, was remove the data points that aren't relevant to the spending-by-day point of view. Mainly, I removed all my bills: rent, ISP, car loan, etc. The result is shown below. Interestingly, Thursday is now my /least/ expensive day. There is one caveat to this revised chart: Saturday is artifically low. Most of my Saturday spending (i.e. drinking) is in cash, but I don't track individual cash transactions.

time = money

2006-01-16T19:30:00.000-06:00

All [four? :-P] of my loyal readers may have noticed that my post frequency has dropped quite a bit recently. I was on vacation, or recovering from it, for a while and work has been somewhat busy. For the last couple weekends, one thing has been sucking my time down more than anything else; the last 12 months of my financial history.

Since September 2004, I've used spreadsheets to track my income and spending. Every transaction was categorized by date, payment method, two levels of descriptive categories, and [of course] dollar value. I had sums that ran over time and over types of spending, and it was a pretty decent system. Not decent enough, though. My OCD would not be satisfied without a true accounting program, and I found a good one, GnuCash, that met all my needs.

I read the documentation and experimented a bit, finally deciding that I'd switch from spreadsheets to GnuCash from December 2005, forward. Unfortunately, I also made the decision to port my data for all of 2005 to GnuCash, as well. About 12 hours later, I'm finally finished. It was worth every minute. For a taste of teh awesomeness, see the graphic below. This is one of the [customizable] reports you can run, albeit a pretty frivolous one; it shows all spending broken down by day of the week, in this case summed over CY2005.

why now?!

2006-01-09T19:00:00.000-06:00

On my way home from work today, I thought I'd check out what I could find on the AM dial. As my right finger did its best impression of a 'scan' mode, I heard one station talking about some bad traffic on 680. Odd, I thought, I don't know of any 680 within a few hundred miles. A few seconds later, I hear them mention rush hour on I-80 in Council 'Tucky. Say what?

It turns out that I can hear KFAB out here. Why couldn't I figure that out /before/ football season??

I'm judging you.

2005-12-15T17:00:00.000-06:00

I often judge people by the cars they drive. There, I said it. I'm a terrible person, I shouldn't judge a book by its cover, blah, blah, blah.

Well, I'm glad to let people judge me by my car. As far as I know, it has the youngest average buyer of any car sold in America (29 years old). In addition, I can now prove that IS drivers are also extremely intelligent. Suck it, Bill.

Get Firefox or Opera; both are excellent, Internetastic (did I really just say that??), multi-platform web browsers...not to mention the fact that they're feature-rich and standards-compliant.

pr0n @ Carnegie Mellon

2005-12-01T20:45:00.000-06:00

Today, a friend from high school pointed out a story (and video clip on the same page) he'd seen about CMU showing porn in the University Center (aka the UC, our student union-type place). The UC has an auditorium that, aside from its usual academic purposes, shows movies several nights a week. On occasion, usually once a semester, the Sunday night movie is "TBA".

During a TBA, the moviegoers start by removing their clothes and making demeaning comments about others' genitalia. The pr0n usually gets everyone so excited that, within minutes, people are going all caveman, beating others unconscious with clubs to more easily take advantage of them. Just in case the massive orgy isn't enough to ensure the onset of an STD plague, we bring bottles of germ-infested spooge to squirt on each other!!!1!oneone!

Seriously, people, what's the big fucking deal? If I won't object when some Michael Moore propaganda film is shown, you should hold your tongue about some people getting naked[1] and laid[2] on a big ol' movie screen[3]. Capiche?
_________________________
[1] Nakedness is our natural state. You do realize that, right?
[2] These people are having consensual sex. Nobody is being harmed or taken advantage of.
[3] You know, you could always not go to the movie. Novel way to avoid being offended, I know. Maybe I should file for a patent...

The things I do for charity...

2005-11-16T20:45:00.000-06:00

At work, most of us young desk jockeys talk during the day using Lotus's [shitty] IM client, Sametime Connect. For your viewing pleasure, I have recreated a segment of a conversation I had earlier today. To put it in context: my esteemed colleague, Seth, is coming to town this weekend. We were in the middle of discussing plans for [drinking all day] Saturday when he let loose with the following bit of wisdom.

Seth: now benny, we need to have a talk
Seth: if we're going to be drinking all afternoon, all evening, and all night
Seth: you can't be chugging your 1st 4 or 5 beers like it's going out of style, and then demise to sitting on sidewalks early in the evening ;)

Ben: haha somehow i knew that was coming. yeah i guess i'll have to 'take it easy'...or something...
Ben: maybe i'll have to start a rotation of water-water-beer-repeat, at least at bw3

Seth: absolutely not
Seth: we'll go beer, beer, beer, beer, *didn't we have a plan?*, beer, beer
Seth: and i'll join u on the sidewalk[1] :)

_________________________
[1] Note that I have never passed out, sitting Indian-style, on a sidewalk in downtown Peoria[2].
[2] Note that this is a lie.

Husker Heaven

2005-11-14T23:00:00.000-06:00

I got to watch last week's Husker game (versus K State) from the First National Bank skybox. The stadium was deafening for the Wildcats' last drive, and at several other points, but the experience from the skybox was a little...well...sterile. It was nice living the high life for a game, but I'm still at the point in my life where I'd rather be in the student section.

I love standing. I love being hoarse. I love being packed in like sardines in the Sea of Red. I love beating those wannabes from Manhattan and then being a gracious host after the game. I love the tunnel walk and I love Hail Varsity, because there is no place like Nebraska.

Go Big Red.

fwd:

2005-11-09T22:15:00.000-06:00

Today I got one of those 'forwards' in my inbox. This one was a list of chapter titles for a [fake, duh] golf book. It's good for a laugh or two and it resonates nicely with my recent suckage at the game of golf. With that in mind, here is a sampling of teh funney.

Ch 1: How To Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Ch 4: How To Get More Distance Off The Shank
Ch 8: Proper Excuses For Drinking Beer Before 9 am
Ch 11: Why Your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied The 5th
Ch 15: God And The Meaning Of The Birdie-To-Bogey Three Putt
Ch 18: Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 A Beer From The Cart Girl And Tip Her $3.00, But Will Balk At $3.50 At The 19th Hole And Stiff The Bartender

pad the walls

2005-11-04T20:45:00.000-06:00

Afternoons are getting shorter and the switch back to standard time doesn't help. Recently, I've been thinking about how I don't like these early sunsets...wait for it...because they make it harder for me to run after work.

You'd think that a lobotomy is something I would remember. :shrug:

Moderation

2005-10-30T13:30:00.000-06:00

It seems that 'experts' are always rambling on about how we should do everything in moderation. Since I always trust these appointed messiahs of knowledge, I decided to follow their advice today. After a moderate amount of running, I spent a moderate amount of time with my ass in my recliner while eating a moderate amount of ice cream.* Take /that/, experts.
_________________________
*This is Michelle & Alice's fault. During their visit last week, they decided to buy 3.14159 metric buttloads of ice cream and let me keep all the leftovers.

Legal != Moral

2005-10-23T23:30:00.000-05:00

I have always been surprised by the number of people brainwashed into believing that legality and morality are one and the same. Here are two quick ways to counteract that myth:

1) There are no moral issues with me watching a DVD movie that I have purchased. None, zero, zilch. Did you know, however, that it is illegal to watch any major studio release on a computer running most non-Windows operating systems? Do you really think that I'm outlaw scum because I've watched Office Space on Ubuntu Linux?

2) So-called 'submarine patents' are legal in the United States, but nobody can rightfully claim that they are an ethical use of the patent system. Patents exist to encourage innovation, but submarine patents do exactly the opposite; they punish companies who innovate and reward 'companies' that are little more than a bunch of lawyers writing and/or buying broad/obvious patents. They wait for the patented techniques to enter widespread use and then sue the pants off everyone that may be in violation.

One last note: Why don't we hold corporations to the same moral standards to which we hold people? Huge companies/cartels buy laws, and then we give their anti-competitive, anti-consumer actions the 'thumbs up' because they aren't violating any of the laws they sponsored (or even wrote). Wrong is wrong, no matter what is written in the United States Code. Microsoft [1, 2], RIAA [3, 4], Samsung [5], and Electronic Arts [6]: are you listening?

some people... :backhand:

2005-10-16T22:05:00.000-05:00

I went to the grocery store just to pick up some milk and bananas. A nice, quick, simple errand. When I walked out of the store, I noticed even more loose shopping carts in the parking lot than normal.

As I got to my car, there were two middle-aged women (50 years old or so) loading groceries into the car in front of me. I suddenly got a very bad feeling, and slowed way down to make sure they'd get into their car before I left. Sure enough, Woman #1 (the driver and obvious ringleader of this criminal gang) closed her trunk, pushed the cart aside, got in the car, and closed the door.

Woman #2 was still outside the car, so I politely said "Excuse me." They couldn't hear me over their insipid babbling, so I tried a little louder. "Excuse me, ma'am." Nothing. Argh. "MA'AM." At this point, Woman #2 finally turned around. I pointed to the cart, and asked "Aren't you going to put away your shopping cart?" In shocked disbelief that somebody would actually call her on her evil deed, she just stood there in silence. I repeated myself, but still got no response. Then her master beckoned, and she ducked into the car without so much as a single word or facial expression.

Those of you who know me well also know that I was about to explode by the end of this encounter. I was half shocked and half furious, both meanings of 'I can't believe' that these women would do what I just saw them do, even after being confronted about it. Things like this really make me worry about humanity. :sigh:

Spelchek

2005-10-11T22:10:00.000-05:00

I'm frustrated with the way kids are taught vocabulary (specifically written vocabulary, aka 'spelling'). I think the emphasis is all wrong. Students are pushed to learn more and more difficult words just for the sake of learning more difficult words. Instead, the focus should be on enabling better communication, which is the whole dang point of vocabulary in the first place.

Before learning words like 'disapproval' (tricky to spell but rather unique), one should be able to use both 'loose' and 'lose' (easy to spell, but often confused with each other) correctly. The same goes for to/too, there/their/they're, your/you're, brake/break, and many other word combos (which are often homophones) that people have trouble with. Such errors actually hinder communication. On the other hand, spelling the word 'dissaproval' is relatively harmless, since nobody is likely to confuse it with any word but 'disapproval'.

On a more practical note, current technology makes my stand even stronger. Though I don't advocate the use of technology as a crutch, any word processor (even the basic Blogger editor) will catch simple spelling errors ('dissaproval') but all have trouble with valid words being used in the wrong context ('Don't loose that noose, or I'll brake you're car and take it too the chop shop over their.').

Peerflix

2005-10-04T19:15:00.000-05:00

Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to Peerflix. It's the peer-to-peer network that the RIAA and MPAA can't touch. Why, you ask? Because it's made 100% legal by the Doctrine of First Sale.

Right now the service only applies to DVDs, but CDs and video games are on the way. Check it out, give it a try, exercise your first-sale rights, f@$% the MPAA, and watch some cheap-ass movies in the process. Win-Win-Win.

[Un]Intelligent Design

2005-09-25T17:00:00.000-05:00

Link 1
Link 1 will take you to a funny letter that explores one reason why Intelligent Design (ID) should not be taught in classrooms: any crackpot can come up with a baseless theory. Without the filter of scientific review, our 'science' classes would be full of them - who could say which are the 'least baseless' and therefore most beneficial to students?

Link 2
Link 2 will take you to Slashdot post about butterfly speciation, which of course spawned a whole crapload of comments about the strength of Darwin's theory of natural selection. Below are some of the most insightful/intelligent comments:
Occam's Razor: why evolution is actually the simpler answer.
Imperfect Design: organisms have been optimized for survival, not for design perfection.
The Mathematics of Evolution: a nice look into the probabilistic drive behind evolution.
Disproving the Stereotype: a rational, intelligent Creationist steps up to give his $.02.
Evolution Is Fact: it is Natural Selection that is a theory, not evolution.

Goodbye, old friend.

2005-09-18T21:25:00.000-05:00

She wasn't much to look at and she wasn't too exciting, but she will always have a place in my heart. My beloved Intrepid has finally passed away - brutally murdered, in fact.

The tractor (as in tractor-trailer, not farm tractor or track-type tractor) driver was issued three citations (I'm not sure what exactly they were for). The Intrepid driver appears to be okay, but he's going through some pretty heavy diagnostics to make sure.

Rest in peace.

Katrina, part 2

2005-09-12T19:10:00.000-05:00

I don't want this to turn into a rant, so I'll try to keep it short and sweet...

To help prevent/reduce future disasters like Katrina, and the costs associated with the aftermath, the government must forfeit its current role as the nation's flood insurer. Today's system socializes the risk^[1] of living in dangerous areas, while privatizing the benefits^[2]. IMHO, anybody should be able to see that is not the correct way to run an insurance program. There is no way to prevent natural disasters, but we should not be giving incentives to put lives and wealth in a position where devastation is relatively likely.

_________________________
[1] The government requires that any property which exceeds a certain likelihood for flooding buy federal flood insurance. The rates are set such that, in an average year, insurance premiums equal payouts. In years such as this, where payouts will clearly be far higher than premiums, the flood insurance program is authorized to borrow from the U.S. Treasury. In many areas, homes are rebuilt/repaired with insurance money, flooded again, rebuilt...ad infinitum.

[2] The same flood-prone areas, being close to water, tend to be attractive places to live and work (typical benefits include shipping, fishing, and tourism). By paying below-market rates for flood insurance, residents and enterprises do not see the full cost of existing in flood-prone areas. Large benefits + government-sponsored reduction in insurance cost = excessive development in risky locations.

I hate spammers. A lot.

2005-09-07T19:14:00.000-05:00

Sorry folks, but I had to activate captcha for comments. I got my first comment spam today...ugh.

Cold Turkey

2005-09-07T18:05:00.000-05:00

Today I decided that I'm going to make my first honest effort to quit. I've been somewhat addicted for a very long time. I've always known that I should stop, but it's just too dang satisfying. I mean, why worry about long-term health effects if it's fun right now?! Right?! Ummm, right? :(

With your help, this will be the start of a whole new Ben: one who doesn't crack his knuckles (or wrists, elbows, neck, back, knees, ankles, toes...) !

What, you were expecting something more exciting?

Katrina, part 1

2005-08-31T17:45:00.000-05:00

I offer my condolences to those whose lives have been devastated by Katrina. I wonder when the last time was that a major city was destroyed so thoroughly. I have a feeling the most recent examples are Nagasaki, Hiroshima, Tokyo, Dresden, and London...

In other news, the victims of the Baghdad stampede and their loved ones have my sympathy.

Gringo Haiku

2005-08-27T19:30:00.000-05:00

envy or regret,
big eyed fish or dreaming tree?
the answer is yes.

Arrr, where's me patch, matey?

2005-08-23T19:15:00.000-05:00

Most computer viruses attack vulnerabilites that have already been patched; they simply prey on the idiots who don't keep their software up to date. The funny thing is that there are also perfectly intelligent people who don't patch their OS and/or browser (the two biggest sources of critical security flaws).

I think the central issue is that, by and large, people don't realize that computers have not yet been dumbed down to the level of 'appliance'. In this respect they are analagous to cars: they can be operated by pretty much any idiot and can handle quite a bit of abuse, but if maintenance is totally neglected they can do some ugly things.

Whether we're talking about replacing brake pads or downloading patches, it is your responsibility to keep up on the maintenance of your equipment. I hate to get all catch-phrasey, but we share the information superhighway just as much as any physical road. Your spam-sending, virus-spreading, zombified computer is just as bad as that smoke-belching, no-taillight rattletrap you curse at as he cuts you off in traffic.

So, everybody, the moral of the story is simple: Keep your software up to date! To that end...

If you use Windows:
First, get Firefox. It's a solid, extensible browser that is also free (as-in-beer and as-in-speech).
Next, visit Windows Update. MS wants you to use their browser to get their OS updates, but you can point Firefox to WindizUpdate and get all the Windows patches you need!

If you use Mac OS or *nix:
Congrats, you are pretty dang secure (through obscurity) already! Stick with a distro/release that is recent enough to be supported with security updates, and you should be good to go.

The future is here!

2005-08-16T18:35:00.000-05:00

In movies about the future there are displays and speakers all over the place. It's always the government or MegaHugeCorp saying happy things in a soothing voice while showing smiling faces dancing in sunny fields. "Thanks to the brilliant technology of MegaHugeCorp, today's radiation danger level is only UV8. Please remember to use SPF 1337 or greater, and have a super day!"

Today I realized that my office already has these citizen-placating happy boxes! They spit out yummy profit numbers, the show pics of the winner of a company raffle, or maybe feature a marketing drone going on about our 'success' (so easily definable...) at the latest trade show. Though they can be somewhat informative, these annoying propaganda boxes really only have one redeeming factor: I'm getting prepared for The Future^TM!

Estoy muy loco

2005-08-11T22:05:00.000-05:00

It seems I've gone off the deep end. I just got back from taking a walk outside, only it wasn't actually a walk. It was a jog. Note that I was not bribed, blackmailed, threatened, coerced, manipulated, or brainwashed. I was not sleepwalking, drunk, or possessed by the devil. I actually did it on purpose.

It was postulated in high school that my intelligence as a function of time, I(t), was accurately modeled by a simple inverse relationship of the form

I(t) = -A * t

where A > 0 and A [=] IQ Points / Year. It follows from the above equation that my mental decline is inevitable, but I didn't realize that A had such a large value. I fear that I'll soon be able to do little else besides scooting around in a motorized wheelchair, yelling "Bennay!"

The Atkins [Financial] Diet

2005-08-07T21:25:00.000-05:00

It looks like the Atkins Diet works just as well on your wallet as on your gut; Atkins Nutritionals has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. It serves those a-holes right for pulling what was surely one of the biggest fad diet scams of all time.

What don't people understand about 'diet and exercise'? Consume less calories, burn more calories --> lose weight. I just gave you the Cliffs Notes to Weight Loss for Dummies. For free. You're welcome.

It saddens me to think that there are people even less motivated and more gluttonous than I am. I'm happy to do nothing all day but sit around and stuff my face, and I _still_ lost 60 lbs in a year...sheesh.

I should have failed kindergarten

2005-07-31T16:05:00.000-05:00

Apparently, I never learned how to tie my shoes. I've always used the 'bunny ears' method, and for the most part it's served me well. Sometimes, however, I end up with both loose ends on the _same_ side of the knot. These knots, although deformed, seem to hold just fine (no controlled, scientific study has been undertaken to verify knot quality - you'll just have to take my word for it). Still, I think you can imagine how frustrating it is to be so grossly incompetent...

Making it even worse, I have no idea how this happens. No matter how hard I look at my red-headed, bastard stepchildren of knots, I can't understand how the heck I managed to tie them that way. It's too bad scientists are wasting their time on string theory instead of fixing my shoestrings. Those insensitive clods.

I am so smart, s-m-r-t!

2005-07-27T18:25:00.000-05:00

Today I saw a guy riding a motorcycle. That is inherently more risky than driving a car, but not really 'dumb'.

Mr. Motorcycle Rider was not wearing a helmet. That is pretty dumb, but he has the right to risk his own safety as he sees fit.

Mr. MR was carrying a helmet with him, attached to one of his saddlebags, but not wearing it. IMHO*, that crosses the line from 'dumb' to 'what in the [bleep] are you thinking?!' Baffling, it is.

Of course, this whole bit has reminded me of the Darwin Awards. That website is a great way to comfort yourself when you're worried that technology has removed the evolutionary pressures from modern society.
_________________________
*IMHO = In My Humble Opinion, for you non-nerds.

Something is backwards here...

2005-07-21T18:30:00.000-05:00

I'm actually getting less politically conservative as I get older. I know what you're thinking: "Well, Ben, you were already as old and crotchety as is humanly possible, so you had to go the opposite way eventually."

My economic beliefs are still firmly rooted in [relatively] laissez faire capitalism. That said, nowadays I care a lot more about the well-being of 'society' relative to the well-being of those who succeed in life*.

I'm more socially liberal than either mainstream political party. Janet's tittay? Hot Coffee? Who cares? Neither deserves the attention (in time or money) of the government. They are matters for individual citizens to handle: each person in his own way.

I think that mainstream media is a sham, free trade should be a policy priority, and that the last decent lawyers on this planet are those affiliated with the EFF**.

None of these opinions are strange for a 23 year old. They are, however, pretty odd for a 23 year old who, when younger, had beliefs more in line with a 73 year old. This is a pretty random post, but hey, I have a pretty random mind. My apologies.
_________________________
*Before, I would congratulate the Waltons on their accomplishments and carry on with my life. Now, I congratulate them while also choosing to spend my money elsewhere; I don't want to support a company that is slowly [but surely] monopolizing retail sales and employment in Small Town America.
**Seriously, check them out. They're fighting to stop the violations of your rights that you don't hear about on the evening news (and never will, because the companies that own the newsmedia are often the ones at fault! -there's my tinfoil hat comment for the day).

Jesus @ work: kosher or no?

2005-07-16T22:30:00.000-05:00

A very strange thing happened to me recently. As I was about to leave my then-current job, a coworker mentioned via email that it was too bad we didn't get to work together more and know each other better. Clearly, that's not the weird part. The weird part was the sentence that followed: "Did not get a chance to ask you if you knew Christ."

I'll admit, it made me a little uncomfortable. Maybe even more than just a little. Honestly, I don't even know what else to write. Help me out, would ya?

Who's the weird one here? Me, for being taken aback at the question, or him, for asking it?

Video Games != Teh Devil

2005-07-08T20:15:00.000-05:00

I'm sick and tired of the stigma that older adults and the mainstream media have given to video games.

1) Video games are antisocial.
This is a load of hooey. I've played [at least] a couple hundred hours of Halo and Halo 2. Probably 75% of it has been with other people. Socially-speaking, it's no different than playing cards, shooting hoops, or any other "normal" thing that people do together; it's a way to compete with your friends and shoot the breeze at the same time. It's certainly a step or two above watching a movie, where you sit next to each other in silence* for two hours.

2) Video games + normal kid == Columbine.
This is the result of news companies wanting headlines and parents wanting somebody else to blame. Yes, future murderers are probably more likely than average to enjoy violent video games. That's correlation, not causation. I've also heard that most overweight kids wear large sizes of clothing. Hurry up and ban the XL size, it's making American kids into fatties!! People like Jack Thompson, the leader of a whole new breed of lawyer scum, should be disbarred and forced to live in a place like Somalia (or today's urban Iraq) for a while to learn what real violence is, and how video games are just that - games.
_________________________
*If you're not watching in silence, you're pissing me off. Shut up, please. Thanks. :)

Episode III: Revenge of the Slice

2005-06-29T22:55:00.000-05:00

The last time I played golf was about three years ago. I headed to the driving range the other day hoping to rekindle the skills I had a decade ago, and in the process pick up a "new" hobby/pastime.

It appears that my brain has begun associating golf with gardening during these last few years. Half my swings removed chunks of dirt and grass that a Caterpillar excavator would be proud of. The other half resulted in a machine gun barrage of Caddyshack-gopher-killing worm burners.

Near the end, I finally whipped out the heavy lumber. (That's my driver, not my wedding tackle, you perv.) I had a few very respectable shots and a few that had a slight fade (read: monster slice). All in all, it was definitely the most enjoyable part of the afternoon.

It appears I'm not going to be any good any time soon. I'm actually pretty amazed that I was ever good. I now have trouble just getting the ball to approximate the look of a real golf shot. I haven't even tried to control aim or distance yet. Looks like I'd better start practicing another aspect of golf: yelling "Fore!"

Confessions 2: Back to Sanity

2005-06-24T17:30:00.000-05:00

After the last post, I'm sure a few of you are thinking that it's time to stage an intervention. I understand your concern, and I'm here now to alleviate your fears. I can promise that I will never lose touch with reality and sink into the black hole of computer nerd-dom. I know this, because I will never be able to ignore my one, true, materialistic love: cars. You see, cars have two attributes that no computer does (and that no one human does).

First, they can be irresistably sexy. See Exhibit A: the Aston Martin V8 Vantage. Just look at those curves...those headlights...

Second, they can have enormous, beer-guzzling, burrito-belching, earth-shaking cojones. I present Exhibit B: the Dodge Viper. It is arguably the most brutally purposeful car made today. It's all about function with this monster, but the form ain't too bad either.

Just remember everybody: I'm not obsessed. I'm focused.
_________________________
note: You are depriving yourself if you don't look at the full-size versions of those Aston pics. All it takes is one little click!

confessions of a [huge] nerd

2005-06-18T21:25:00.000-05:00

I admit it, I'm a nerd. This virtue (yes, I said "virtue") often manifests itself as a(n) (un)healthy interest in computers. I build my own boxen, I use words like "boxen", I'm a member of two online computer hardware forums, and I have a handful of computer industry websites that I read every day.

Below are pictures of the two latest things to catch my fancy: the Antec P180 and AMD Athlon 64 X2. The P180's understated exterior is a thing of simple beauty, and its interior is unmatched (not counting Zalman's insane TNN, or Totally No Noise, cases) in terms of acoustic and thermal performance. The A64 X2 is equally impressive; it is undoubtedly both the most powerful and efficient desktop CPU in existence. As always, click the pictures for larger versions.

P180: A64 X2:

Right now, I know most of you are saying to yourselves, "Gee, I just don't think mankind is capable of creating anything else as stupendously beautiful as that computer case! Teh P180 r0x0rz!!!11!" Stay tuned, and you'll see just how wrong you are. Remember: same Ben time, same Ben channel.

Lake Trip 2005

2005-06-09T21:15:00.000-05:00

About a month ago, I made my annual trip to Lake of the Ozarks. I didn't know then that it would be the end of an era, but that's a topic for another time.

The weekend consisted of very little besides going to the store to buy beer, sitting at the pool drinking beer, boating to a restaurant to drink beer, sitting inside drinking beer, and sitting on the porch to smoke cigars and drink beer. Here are a few pics I collected along the way...click on them for larger versions...

To start, a couple nice pics taken from the boat on the way to and from lunch. I especially like the second one, which is now my desktop wallpaper.

These next two shots were taken within a few seconds of each other. The first was with yours truly attempting valiantly to steady the camera himself, the second was with the camera placed on a railing.

Sean, realizing that he lacks the manhood to drink normal-size beers, opted to purchase Coronitas. Here he is comparing his 7 oz. bottle to...ummm...his other shortcomings.

Drew got all excited about something, but for the life of me I can't remember what it was.

Arachnophobia

2005-06-06T22:15:00.000-05:00

Remember the wine cellar with the huge, pulsating ballsac of eggs? Well my utility closet looks about like that right now. So that's why there aren't any ants in the apartment...

This might be a slight understatement, but I'm not a fan of spiders. At all. The feeling of walking through a web makes my skin crawl, even when I can't feel an actual spider. Seeing those little spider nutsacks dangling all over my closet kinda freaked me out. But I sucked it up and dealt with it like a man: I closed the door and ignored it. :)

To add insult to injury, the reason I went into the utility closet in the first place is because my gol' durn air conditioner hasn't worked since I turned it on last week for the first time this year. It's freakin' 90-plus degrees outside, it's gonna be another few days before they can install a new compressor, and God knows I'm already the hottest person on the face of the planet. Oh, well. I suppose I'll live through it*.

*Until the spiders ambush me in my heat-weakened state, wrap me up like a gringo burrito, and suck me dry.

The Ballad of Curtis Loew

2005-06-04T19:30:00.000-05:00

(1) It seems like one of the "typical" blog things is to post song lyrics.
(2) I'm one of those people who can really be moved by music.
Given that (1)-(2) punch, I thought I'd go ahead and post the words to a great song about great songs: Lynyrd Skynyrd's The Ballad of Curtis Loew. Give it a listen if you ever have the chance.
_________________________

Well I used to wake the morning before the rooster crowed
Searching for soda bottles to get myself some dough
Brought 'em down to the corner, down to the country store
Cash 'em in and give my money to a man named Curtis Loew

Old Curt was a black man with white curly hair
When he had a fifth of wine he did not have a care
He used to own an old dobro, used to play it across his knee
I'd give old Curt my money, he'd play all day for me

Play me a song Curtis Loew, Curtis Loew
I got your drinking money, tune up your dobro
People said he was useless, them people are the fools
'Cause Curtis Loew was the finest picker to ever play the blues

He looked to be sixty, and maybe I was ten
Mama used to whip me but I'd go see him again
I'd clap my hands, stomp my feets, try to stay in time
He'd play me a song or two
Then take another drink of wine.

On the day old Curtis died, nobody came to pray
Ol' preacher said some words, and they chunked him in the clay
But he lived a lifetime playin' the black man's blues
And on the day he lost his life, that's all he had to lose

Play me a song Curtis Loew, Hey Curtis Loew
I wish that you was here so everyone would know
People said he was useless, them people all are fools
'Cause Curtis you're the finest picker to ever play the blues
_________________________

Iowa: Less Awful Than Before!

2005-05-30T20:25:00.000-05:00

It was recently brought to my attention that Iowa is increasing its max speed limit to 70 mph, effective 01 July 2005. It's about damn time. I can only hope that Illinois will follow suit...

I just had to let everyone know how happy I am that Iowa finally dropped its 65-mph ridiculousness. Omaha folks: The next time I'll see you is now 15 minutes closer. :)

May - the season of giving (spending)?

2005-05-23T20:50:00.000-05:00

Is there something I don't know about the month of May? I have two personal credit cards, and both of them bumped my credit limit by ~25% in the last couple weeks. I'm not complaining*, but something seems a little fishy.

Are they trying to coax me out of my post-Christmas cheap phase**? Are they that eager to pay for our plastic money infrastructure while I give them exactly $0 for their efforts? Hell, my Citi card pays me. Do they make a significant amount from selling my name to third party "marketing partners"? Enough to take on the extra cost (of a higher credit limit) in order to retain me as a cardholder?

Moral of the story: The credit industry makes no sense to me, but at least this time it makes no sense in my favor.
____________________
*Actually, I might complain a little. I really wish I could transfer the (higher) limit on my old card to my new one, which has cash-back benefits.
**Me? A cheap "phase"? Ha!

Meet Joe Z

2005-05-19T21:25:00.000-05:00

I've had my car for almost a year now, so I figured it's time to start modding.

My first improvement is a Joe Z intake. It's the grassroots favorite IS3 mod, and a no-brainer for anybody that wants improved performance while maintaining much of the stock look and sound. Click the pics below for larger versions.

This, by the way, is the reason I needed those tools from Sears.

Broadcast Flag = Teh Suck

2005-05-14T12:02:00.000-05:00

On 06 May 2005, we Americans won a significant battle (link) in the fight to reestablish our fair use rights for copyrighted media.

Hollywood (and others) had coerced the FCC into restricting what consumers can do with the digital video signals we receive, via a device called the "broadcast flag" (more information here). Do you want to record a show and then burn it to DVD to play in your car's entertainment system? You won't be able to with the broadcast flag.

Even with this victory, the fight is not over. The MPAA lost the case on the basis that the FCC had overstepped its bounds, not on the fact that the broadcast flag is inherently illegal (see the oft-cited "Betamax case", Sony v. Universal Studios). Their next goal is to get Congress to extend the FCC's jurisdiction.

Visit the Electronic Frontier Foundation's website ("EFF" under Nerd Links) for more information on this and other issues that affect your rights in the 21st century. Make sure we keep this one in the "W" column: support the EFF and/or write your congressmen.

Sears is for the ladies?

2005-05-10T22:45:00.000-05:00

I've always felt that Sears is a Man Store. Sears is where you go to buy such masculine devices as lawnmowers, grills, power tools, and car batteries. For that very reason, I recently went to Sears to buy a socket wrench set (click for larger version).

The Sears I chose is attached to a mall, so it has two floors. I walked into the store from the parking lot, which was at the upper level. To my surprise, I was immediately surrounded by tiny, pastel shirts. Little girls' clothes? My shock only grew as I scoped out the rest of the floor: clothes as far as the eye could see, with some jewelry sprinkled in for good measure. Surely, I thought, the real Sears is downstairs.

Wrong. After a quick trip down the escalator my senses were assaulted by more blasphemy, this time in the form of bedding and other Woman Crap. It was only after a solid minute or two of walking around and peeking around corners that I found the Man Store I had come for.

It's true that I was able to escape unscathed (with my new Man Toys, no less), but at what cost? What's next? Ballroom dancing in the Olympics? Justin Timberlake performing at the Super Bowl? ...Aww, f[bleeep]...

Can success be depressing?

2005-05-04T19:45:00.000-05:00

After you've finished/accomplished/beaten something you're really proud of, have you then realized that it's a pretty ordinary thing you just conquered? I don't know whether I should (a) feel warm 'n' fuzzy about what I've done or (b) feel like a moron for thinking it was hard enough that I should celebrate its completion.

Is it okay/justified/good to be proud of something that's not unique or rare?

Is success relative or absolute? Is a relative success more motivational or less so than an absolute success?

Vague, yes, but it's a big theme in both my personal and my professional lives right now.

Fun brain teaser flash game

2005-05-01T22:05:00.000-05:00

(Link-O-Rama)

Can you help this family across the river?

Pay attention now, here comes the science.

Only the parents and the policeman can operate the raft. Only two people can use the raft at any one time. The policeman has to look after the criminal, who can't be left unattended with the family. The parents tend to get violent with the kids (oh those crazy Taiwanese, they really are the living end), so the mother can't be left in the presence of her sons without the father being there and the father can't be left in the presence of his daughters without the mother being there. You move the family members by clicking on them and you move the raft by clicking the handles on each shore.

After you open the link, click the big blue circle on the right to start the game.

Thanks to Sean for the link and description.

F$@& the **AA

2005-04-29T18:03:00.000-05:00

[**AA insanity]
"Please make us legal monopolies. We won't abuse our power, we promise!"

"VCRs/Jukeboxes/Radios/TiVo/RiVo will destroy our business model, and should therefore be illegal!"
[/insanity]

I've really had about enough of the RIAA, MPAA, and other large media interests. This is a weird rant for me to make, but I just can't help it. Before too long, we're only going to get one point of view on any issue, spoon fed to us at the time and manner deemed most profitable by our overlords. This is the exact opposite of what should be happening in the so-called Information Age.

Companies should, obviously, be able to protect their copyrights. However...
The NFL does not have a natural, god-given right to enforce telecast blackouts - it's nothing more than one particular way of doing business given the available technology. Likewise, The RIAA and MPAA do not have the natural right to cripple distributed media with DRM and force consumers to abide by it - it's just one particular way of selling recorded entertainment.

The RIAA/MPAA and their ilk are dinosaurs. If they're smart, they'll adapt like they did after losing the Betamax case in the U.S. Supreme Court. If they maintain their current line of thinking, they'll die a painful death and grassroots/indie creativity will flourish. If they're lucky, they'll defeat innovation and consumer rights, and leave us in a wasteland of $15 Britney Spears CDs that can't be copied to an mp3 player to use at the gym and 5,473 channels of CNN People that we can't record while we're at our kids' soccer games.

Many others have articulated these feelings better than I, but what kind of rant would this be if it was well thought out, clear, and concise?

Random Intarweb Goodies

2005-04-23T01:33:00.000-05:00

1) Remember that flash game where you hit the pingu (penguin) with the bat? It turns out there are 8 games in that series (Yeti sports). Awesome. Be warned: clicking that link might make the next couple hours of your life disappear (in the good way).

2) Sam Falcone is a normal, red-blooded, meat-loving fella. If you are a dirty hippie, PETA supporter, or are otherwise opposed to his flesh eating ways, he's willing to accept a small donation in return for not eating meat for a day! Put your money where your mouth is, you silly herbivore.

3) It seems like the whole world has started to hate us since soon after 9/11. Kim du Toit is an example of a foreigner (and naturalized citizen) that understands why the US of A is still the best damn place on Earth. That link points to one of my favorite bits on his site, but he has 19 other essays there (listed along the left side of the page) in addition to a ton of community links and quite a bit of blog-style, general commentary. The essays are definitely the best of the site's content, though. Do yourself a favor and read a few.

Music for the gym...suggestions?

2005-04-19T19:04:00.000-05:00

I'm getting a little bored with my current selection. I need new albums that have some cojones...know what I mean? Below are some examples of my current gym favorites.

Linkin Park - "In the End", "Faint"
Saliva - "Click Click Boom"
Eve 6 - "Open Road Song"
Blink 182 - "All the Small Things"
Kottonmouth Kings - "Wickit Klowns"
Eminem - "Till I Collapse", "Crazy in Love"
DMX - "Damien", "Here We Go Again"

So, friends - care to help a fella out?

I'm [finally] an engineer

2005-04-16T01:15:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time coming; 9 months, to be exact. I have to do a little math, for once. I deal with price vs. time vs. performance problems every day. I use mass/energy/species balances. Arrhenius is my closest coworker and my greatest adversary.

I'm also as busy as a poor, fat kid at OCB. The 40 hr work week is now just a pleasant memory. We're not talking slave labor here, but the move to a 45-50 hr week is definitely noticeable. The upside is that my days fly by at this new job. The downside is that, if I have any errands to run after work, my evenings feel pretty compressed.

I'd talk about what exactly is keeping me so busy, but a lot of it is pretty sensitive. That's another nice thing about this job: I get to work on unique, cutting-edge widgets and the systems that utilize them.

...that last paragraph seemed like a pretty abrupt way to end the post, so I added this little bit. Much better, huh? :)

Stupid proverbs...

2005-04-10T19:30:00.000-05:00

"A watched pot never boils."

Taken literally, this is a ridiculous statement. Maybe that is the reason that I am wholly unable to abide by its figurative wisdom. Not only does my dumb ass sit near the pot whenever possible, but I stare at the pot. Often, I try to trick the pot by looking at it only out of the corner of my eye. Even if the pot doesn't directly notice my (super-sneaky!) gaze, I'm pretty sure the fact that I'm only two feet away counts as "watching" it.

I'm so scared about missing that first vapor bubble that I let everything else pass me by.

Do you want to know the worst part? Sometimes I don't even turn on the stove. It's like I expect the pot of room-temp water to say "Woohoo! Let's boil!" and heat itself up.

PSA: Mars, Venus, etc.

2005-04-05T22:18:00.000-05:00

Surprisingly, a great many people today fail to grasp even the most basic tenets of male/female interaction in Western culture. Such ignorance should not be tolerated. For your viewing pleasure, below I have linked to two excellent resources on the subject. Read, learn, enjoy.

Ode to Nice Guys
This is a nice, short piece that details one of the unfortunate consequences of the laws and theories laid out in the more thorough reference below. It only presents one side of the story, but that's okay because it's the _right_ side*.

Ladder Theory
The material on this website is a masterful work of human behaviorism and has been published in many of the top -ology journals**. Start at the beginning, and you'll be amazed as the author progressively unveils the simple dynamic that can determine the fate of a relationship before it even begins. The full documentation for Ladder Theory even includes rebuttals for commonly-proposed weaknesses and failures in the Theory. This is a _must read_. I hear it's even going to be on Oprah's Book List Thingy***.

*Yes, it is.
**No, it doesn't matter which ones. If it's an -ology, it's clearly scientific, important, and true.
***I probably made this up.

Spam. On my phone.

2005-04-01T21:53:00.000-06:00

As an avid user of the intarweb, I am familiar with spam. I even get spam at email addresses that I've never used or told anyone about. I don't care about it too much, mostly because email accounts are free and relatively portable. I'm accustomed to it. Almost oblivious to it, even.

My cell phone service is neither free nor easily portable, and today I got my first text message spam. I have never texted with my phone, or surfed the internet, or used any other fancy schmancy non-phone-call service. Still, the bastards found me. At least they were nice enough to offer me a cheap vacation to Jamaica: only $200 per person!!!1!1!!oneone!!

I Love Clocky

2005-03-28T19:02:00.000-06:00

As a Carnegie Tech alum, it has always been my practice to mock and otherwise dislike MIT students. Part of it is their attitude; "My cult/university is superior to the cesspool from which you spawned." Part of it is jealousy that they are the "name" engineering school, while others (like, perhaps, CMU) are equally deserving of recognition, and perhaps more so.

Clocky has forced me to put that instinct on hold for a bit. Click the link above, if you haven't already, and revel in Clocky's beauty. It is simple, inexpensive, and tremendously useful.

The only problem I can see is battery life. Motoring around takes energy, and batteries are no fun. Still, forking over for some rechargeable AAs is a small price to pay for the promise of a 100% wake-my-ass-up-on-time rate. Congratulations, Ms. Nanda, you have one helluva concept. Now, license/build the dang thing and get it in stores ASAP!

Carl Sagan on human nature

2005-03-22T19:13:00.000-06:00

The other day I decided that I need to start reading (books) again. To that end, I pulled Pale Blue Dot off my bookshelf and put in next to my recliner. I haven't read too far yet; so far much of the discussion has concerned the social history of scientific curiosity and, more recently, space exploration. Today I came across the following passage:

"The significance of our lives and our fragile planet is determined only by our own wisdom and courage. We are the custodians of life's meaning. We long for a Parent to care for us, to forgive us our errors, to save us from our childish mistakes. But knowledge is preferable to ignorance. Better by far to embrace the hard truth than a reassuring fable.
If we crave some cosmic purpose, then let us find ourselves a worthy goal."

Mr. Sagan wrote that passage in the context of humanity's historic desire to find a divine hand intervening in our lives. The Parent he refers to is God, Allah, or any other being(s) that humans hold to be "above" themselves.

I don't think I'm alone when I say that there have been times when I have searched/wished/begged for the existence of a higher power. I'm guilty, I admit it. Good people get hurt, bad people get away, incompetent people get power; we look skyward and ask "Why?"

That "Why" may be futile, or it may not be, but it can certainly be comforting. More comforting, though, is to look at your own actions, ask yourself "Why?" and know the answer. That is where knowledge transcends belief.

Post #1 - here we go...

2005-03-20T21:20:00.000-06:00

First ever post. Enjoy. It's a biggie, so feel free to just read the first and last paragraphs.

I cleaned today for the first time in weeks. After I figured out where I had left the darn vacuum (it had been a while, remember?), I decided that I should probably empty it out for the first time since I bought it.

[flashback]
It's June 2004 in Peoria and I need a vacuum cleaner for my new, post-college life. I always felt that normal (read: bagged) vacuums were a PITA, so I bought one of those new-fangled bagless models:

See, I just wanted to be happy like this lady.
[/flashback]

Clean the Filter, Prologue: I popped off the dirt canister, which was about half full, and held it upside down over my trash can...and waited...waved it around a bit...still nothing. I twist/pulled the filter out and tried again. Voila! Well, almost. The contents of the clear plastic thingy dumped out nicely, but the filter itself was still stuffed to the gills with filth. (That's a pun, see, because fluid filters are built a lot like gills, in that they should maximize contact area per...oh right, you're not a nerd. Carry on.)

Clean the Filter, Act 1: The directions on the filter said to "Tap it firmly" against the side of the trash can until no more dirt fell out. No water or brushes allowed. Unfortunately, my trash can was about 90% full. Not one to waste that 10% (that's $0.182709 worth of trash bag!), I tried tapping the filter base against the very top side of the can. A tiny little bit of dirt fell out, and half of it went outside the can. Double whammy.

Clean the Filter, Act 2: The dirt was packed pretty solidly into the grooves, forming a few "dirt worms" (much cooler than "dust bunnies") that would fill the length of each fold in the filter. As you may or may not know, I would not be satisfied until every last worm was gone. The next 15 minutes went by as follows: tap, rotate, tap, rotate, cough, sneeze, pull out worms, repeat.

Clean the Filter, Act 3: I finally got frustrated. I walked outside and beat that !$#*@$! filter against the brick exterior of my apartment until it was suitably clean. I'm such a nice guy - I spared those dirt worms a trip to the landfill. Instead, they got to return to the wild! I hope PETA's happy.

I hadn't cleaned in so long that my vacuum is already half as full as it was before I emptied it. I am left questioning my choice of floor-cleaning technology. The only upgrade path I can see is an expensive one: the Dyson. I guess I'd better forget about buying an HDTV and new sway bars. But seriously, folks... What kind of vacuum do you use? Are you happy with it? Would you like to donate to my Ben-wants-the-vacuum-that's-so-cool-it's-like-a-gadget fund? ;) Leave your comments below.

Copyright Notice

2005-03-14T16:30:00.000-06:00

Permission is granted to copy, distribute, and/or modify the contents of this weblog (http://unclben.blogspot.com) under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2; with no Invariant Sections, no Front-Cover Texts, and no Back-Cover Texts. A copy of the license is included in the section entitled "GNU Free Documentation License".